I need a little help, I feel like I’m going insane. Me(24M) and my GF(22F) have been dating only for about a year now and it’s honestly been great. She’s loving, caring, and supportive of me when it comes to my personal goals and says she wants the best for me and always wants me to be happy. Music to every man’s ears right? I love this woman and she makes me very happy.
When we first started talking, she was working making minimum wage and working about 30-36hrs a week while living at home. I was working a job in my field(I.T.) but only entry level making about $750-$800 a week while also living at home. She told me she only wanted to work at her job just to save up for a trip with her friends. So at the time I was thinking she’d find something new after her vacation but once she got back from the trip, she maybe worked another month give or take then she quit. In her defense, her job was bs… well at least from the things she’s told me and I 100% understood why she would want to leave.
Once she eventually quit her job she showed no signs of wanting to find a new job. I mean I get it, most people go through a point in life where they don’t want to work or just want to relax. But it’s been months now and she still hasn’t found anything. She eventually has applied to different places so that’s good but she always talks about how she doesn’t like doing much when it comes to work and doesn’t really know what she wants to do. We’re both still young so I get that and I’ve expressed that I went through a time where I couldn’t find a job for a while and I understand how she’s feeling and that she’ll find something that she enjoys one day she just has to keep looking.
We were having a conversation one night and she asked me with the field I’m in if I would make her or want her to work in the future. I explained to her that I’m on a path to hopefully become successful and very accomplished in my career and I would always take on the “provider role” as a man should but would also love to see her find her own career or something that at least makes her somewhat happy while making money. I told her I would always want my partner to be able to do for themselves. I told her that in this economy, unless one of us if filthy rich, it’ll take two incomes to be comfortable. She gave me a strange look but I was quick. Kind of like she wasn’t expecting that answer. She told me that she’ll try but “she’s just a girl”.
From the beginning she never had to pay for really anything at all. I made sure dates, hotels, food, or any other things were paid for out of my pocket. She may have payed for a meal or two on a special occasion but I handle mostly all the expenses in our relationship.
Well fast forward to the near present, I’ve landed a new job paying me around $1,000 a week before overtime. I’m looking forward to finally being able to save enough to move out of my parent’s house and finding my own place. She’s expressed her excitement for me getting my own place and how much she wants to be able to “be home when I get off work”. I’m worried about our future together and if this will even work. I do love this woman but it’s hard when I already have bills to pay at home as well as pay for everything when I’m with her. I’ve explained to her that I have things that my parents make me pay to live at home. Sometimes I like to stay home on the weekends and study or even go try and make some extra money. Doing so help me not spend money. She seems to not like that idea lol only because she wants to be around me whenever I’m free. She said we don’t have to spent money when we’re together and I totally agree but it seems like that’s all we do. Spend, spend, spend. Now that she doesn’t work and has more time on her hands than ever she spends most of her days watching tv, playing video games, or going out with friends while waiting for me to get off work so we can go do something together.
Like I’ve said, I’ve explained to her that it’s gonna take the two of us to be able to live comfortably, especially now in the early stages of our relationship. I just don’t know if she’s really understanding what I’m saying. I’ve dug myself in a financial hole and I’ve explained that to her as lightly as I can but she doesn’t seem to understand. If anyone has any advice or anything I’d be great cause I’m spiraling at the moment lol