When I met my wife, she seemed perfect – kind, gentle, the type you dream of settling down with. We had a rough start: I was 20, she was 23, and I was still too focused on my friends instead of our relationship.
We were exclusive, fully committed, and in love even though not yet married. Three years later, we tied the knot and started our family. Six years after that, while packing to move into our first house, I found her old pocket calendars. They listed names and dates – a record of her sex life before and during our time together.
Among the names was her boss’s, alternating with mine. When I confronted her, she broke down and admitted it happened, saying she’d “forgotten.” Her apology came with, “We weren’t married then,” which never really sat right with me.
I chose to forgive her for our family’s sake. We built a life, raised kids, and by most measures we’re happily married now. But I’ve never fully let it go. I don’t trust her the same way, and even decades later it sometimes feels fresh.
Therapy helps for a while. Logic tells me leaving now would be foolish. Emotion tells me I want to burn it all down.
For anyone who’s been in a long marriage with old scars how did you actually move on? Does real forgiveness ever feel complete?