Hi everyone, I desperately need help!!
So for context, me and this guy first met back in 7th grade through mutual friends. We honestly couldn’t stand each other. We used to fight a lot over the dumbest things and eventually ended up blocking each other and moving on with life.
Fast forward to college 2nd year, somehow we reconnected again. I was in India doing my bachelor’s, and he was abroad for his. I was dating someone back then, so we were just friends, but we started talking a lot. Like, hours and hours every day. We’d talk about everything including life, random gossip, dumb memes, whatever. It just felt easy.
We even went on a trip together (with other friends) and it was very fun. We’re from the same town, have the same friend circle, and gossip about the same people (haha). Even when he was abroad, he was always there for me through every breakdown, every good and bad moment. And when I went abroad later, he was the one who stood by me like a pillar, my biggest support system. I can’t even describe how comforting that was.
Over time, we just got closer and closer. We were still “best friends,” but something started to shift.
Six months ago, we went on another trip, just the two of us this time. And that’s when everything hit me. I realized how much I liked him. We held hands while walking, cracked dark jokes, drank together, shopped, explored… it was honestly the best time. Everything just clicked. Since then, I haven’t been able to think straight.
We still fight and disagree on a lot of things, but no matter what, I just find myself falling for him more. The problem is… I have no idea if he feels the same way. And it’s been eating me alive. I overthink everything he says, every call, how long it takes him to reply (lol I know, it’s bad).. I can’t sleep properly because my mind just keeps going back to him.
We still talk for hours, but sometimes I feel like I’m imagining things, like maybe he’s just being nice, maybe he doesn’t mean it that way. I keep overanalyzing every little thing he says or does. It’s exhausting now.
The thing is, I don’t want to ruin our friendship. He means so much to me, and I honestly don’t know what I’d do if I lost him.
But at the same time, pretending I don’t have feelings is starting to really hurt. I’ve been thinking of just telling him how I feel and then blocking him (not out of pettiness, but because if he doesn’t feel the same, I’ll need space to get over him). My logic is that if he does feel the same, I’m sure he’ll find a way to reach out. If he doesn’t, I’ll know my answer and can move on (eventually).
But idk. Part of me feels like that’s immature, and part of me just wants peace.
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Did you confess? How did it go? Please help me because I feel stuck between not wanting to lose him and not being able to pretend anymore. Should I let him know or should I just keep quiet and let it go? Because honestly, this in-between is driving me insane.
TL;DR: We used to hate each other as kids, reconnected in college, became best friends, went on a trip together, and now I’ve caught feelings. I don’t know if he feels the same and I’m losing my mind over it.