This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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38 comments

  1. For those struggling with finding long-term partners, but also missing physical intimacy, how have you handled that?

  2. Ex (who discarded me in early September, then sent me a guilt-assuaging fake “apology” a week later and then NC since) followed and then immediately unfollowed me on ig at like 5:00 this morning. It’s not going to change anything i’m doing, but of course in my head I’m thinking about his motives. Was he just curious and it was a slip of the finger, or was he trying to get my attention/manipulate me somehow? I didn’t do anything but I put my ig on private. I just hate that it made me start spiraling.

  3. It sucks that I have to essentially put life on hold while I recover from spine surgery. I also can’t lie about being a little nervous about the mass they found on my adrenal gland.

    My hope is that I can shrink the mass with meds and they can cut out it via surgery. Because surgery is the only way it’s gotta get out. It’s also next to a major vein in my body, so that worries the doctors too. But they’re still working on it, so I don’t have anything to worry about at the moment. I trust they will get it out.

  4. I had an old account on Instagram from 9 years ago… I only posted three photos on it and then I made a new account. I no longer have access to the old account or the email I sent it up with, but I do follow it for some reason.

    I got a notification the other day that the old account had posted a story and I was confused so I clicked on it. It was a picture of my ex, and it looked like a recent picture because he looked older. His hairs were grey.

    This ex was very abusive and I actually moved hundreds of miles to get away from him. It scared the shit outta me. Like I broke up with him 9 years ago… How did he get access to my Instagram that I had way back then, and after 9 fucking years? Why is he posting a photo of himself? It’s very creepy.

  6. Idk if I can keep putting myself out there. I thought it really was time to try dating again but rejection just hurts right now. Last girl who rejected me was super nice about it, told me not to change a thing about how I was. Said she really enjoyed the way I approached getting to know her and pursuing her, it’s just that she caught feelings for a guy she met a couple months ago…

    Then plenty of other women get a “friend” vibe from me. FUUUUUCK. Like I know I have it in me because I’ve had plenty of relationships in the past but god damn I’m fucked up by these past few rejections..

  7. I’ve officially decided that I want to be engaged before we move in together… and he basically told me that he knows and respects that. Then he told me that his best friends adore me and told him that he needs to marry me 🥰

  9. I’ve been so burnt out dating that I haven’t dated all year. Had 2 first dates. One felt up my breasts during the good bye hug and it quietly broke my heart so much. I’m tired of being a pretty thing to do this to and never being met. I don’t even dress sexy but perhaps it’s never about that. Anyway, here we are, almost at year end and alone again. So much attention out there, a heart that wants to share the love but a body that’s given up. The other guy was different from his pictures, felt like a quiet betrayal of trust. And then there was another, much younger, someone I thought was spiritual and said all the right things. It feels like I’ve closed the door on people and I don’t know how to go back to being the fun person who could take these batterings from life and still be sunshiney. The joy hides behind layers of blankets in the arctic winter. I wonder how I can open up to talk to people and meet them again on apps. Help? 

  10. I took my guy out for his birthday. Dinner and a gift card for a nearby bookstore that’s open late, so we ended up browsing there for about an hour before heading back to his place. I think it went well, he was clearly having fun at the bookstore, but he had a rough day beforehand and seemed like he was struggling to shake it off for a while.

  11. Try dating over 30 as a Trans female 😂 if women have a hard enough time. My chances are lower.

  12. Update from my venting/situation yesterday. The guy I called emotionally unavailable because he hasn’t responded in 48 hours, did in fact reach out yesterday evening.

    He lost his phone and drove back to work (1 hr, one way) to get his work phone to message me.

    I don’t think I’m the only one he needed to message (his mom and mother of his children) but still, it’s nice to know he has a valid reason and was making an effort to let me know he did not mean to go silent.

  13. Told my friend this morning that I needed to know what rotten eggs smell like so when I find a good egg, I’ll know it. It’s the most optimistic explanation I have for my continued magnetism toward the wrong people.

  14. Venting. She wasn’t ready, anxiety was too crippling for us to be together in her saying. Just saw her on apps. I don’t need an answer to why. I don’t need to know if she was honest or not. All of it just doesn’t matter.

    I feel anger tho, and I’m going to go through it, face it, and move forward.

  15. I really wish I could go inside my brain and shut off the emotional need for a partner. Among other things.

  16. I guess the last thread got locked right after I commented. Looking for a profile critique! Please let me know thoughts on the photos as well, since I’m considering trading some out. And even if it’s comments on the order of photos or how I might improve my physical appearance, I’m open to that, so you won’t hurt my feelings.

    https://imgur.com/a/4s1zk8D

    Updated bio to this:
    “Anime nerd with a true love for latino (esp. Caribbean) culture. If you can recommend good anime or know fun spots for outdoor events, dancing, or live music, we’ll get along. Dad to a pretty dope 2 year old. Looking for a casual relationship with actual friendship and more than just hookups.”

  17. Reading a book rec “how to not die alone” im a hesitator. Im not dating for a good reason right now, but after my divorce and when I have a good “single me” routine, I guess I need to try putting myself out there

  18. We said goodbye yesterday, and he leaves the city/province today. Since we’d only see each other once or twice a week I think it’s going to take a few days to really hit me; I’ll start to miss him like usual, but now there’s no happy reunion to look forward to.

    There’s a non-zero chance he could end up back here within the year, but we didn’t talk about whether we’d see each other again if that happened.

    I’m going to miss how happy and satisfied I was with my little life when he was in it 🥲

  19. I think if you have open heart and capacity to love, you can love anybody. 

    So love happens one time etc is bull shit. 

    Yes, toxic love happens one time and you can’t forget that pain easily. So you mix up that pain with love. 

    ——

    Spent a week alone and had quite relaxed time. 

    I don’t think I have regret of doing any bold or courageous choices for my self respect. Seeing myself in mirror and it’s beautiful, mature and independent free lady. I wanted that only after all. Feeling happy and content. 

  20. I was going to go on date last night. I was getting ready to go and then he asked for more time. He asked for a Pic of me and he said I was beautiful or whatever, and then asked if we can go somewhere else closer to him. I got a suspicion that he wanted to turn this date into a hookup. He hadn’t chosen a spot yet but was instead asking if it was weird that he wanted to do more and was giving me all these compliments. I was all dressed up, did my hair nice, did my makeup, and this guy just probably was going to give me the address to his apartment or something. It’s like at least wine and dine me first. But he wanted it easy, I’m assuming, even after previous convos of him saying he was looking for something long term.

    I said I got weirded out by the texts and would rather not go out and wished him the best. No text back or anything. I dodged a bullet. Then he called me 2 times in the middle of the night and messaged me the next morning. I ignored it but what a waste of my time. I was super annoyed.

  21. Where does one go when theyre dressed up with no place to go? Was going out with friends, they pushed back plans several times so now im at Applebee’s at the bar having a vodka soda and late lunch

  22. I am in a pickle. I’ve (M35)met a girl(F34), and after three dates we are hitting it off. She almost stayed the night after date #3, but work things (cant drop in two days in a row in the same outfit and obviously having had a go between the sheets).

    Now there is a big F off problem. We both have kids, and are both split for 12/18 months. But our schedule with the kids is exactly mirrored. She has odd weeks, I even weeks. Once in a block of two weeks we have overlap of 30 hours to have some time. And it is an absolute bitch to adjust that on both our ends.

    I can feel her disconnecting over this, shorter texts less initiative etc etc

    This is a case of mismatched lives yeah? The big problem is she has struck a cord in me that a have not felt in 10+ years. I am falling, HARD.

    What now? I am genuinely stuck here.

  23. I went on 3 dates with a guy. He was super nice, always respecting my personal space, clear about his goals. In person, he is very caring, attentive. His time management was absolute shit. The texts are sporadic. I sent a picture of me playing my horse game (he plays some weird-ass games too, which I like) and he saw my leg and asked if I was trying to send a nude. I wanted to be cheeky and sent a picture of the wall with “boobs” written on it. Fast forward to midnight and I get a text: “That was disappointing. always love nudes, but can’t say I’ll send them back.” I said “we’ll figure out something else then!” and haven’t heard back since. I’m giving myself an anxiety disorder after getting slow-ghosted so often, I just keep thinking “was it me??? what did I say this time???”

  25. Does love at first sight really exist? What is it? I recently connected with someone and we’ve been in and out of one another’s lives for the past 15 years. They always bee consistent and treated me well no matter what. They say they knew I was the one since the first time they saw me.

    I’m all for it… I’m ready to accept it this time but can anyone help me understand this? Should I be worried at all? I think it’s just me being avoidant. How can accept this with grace and allow it to happen?

  26. 36F. It’s been 6 weeks of dating the same 34M. We had seen each other more than 10x, I don’t know; I lost count, 1-3x per week. We are exclusively dating each other; not seeing anyone else. Finally, I feel myself getting butterflies now, not because of anxiety or whatever, but just the way he holds my hands when we are together. He was the one to initiate for us to hold hands, holding out his hand from the 4th date onwards when we were taking a long walk, and I took his hand. I thought maybe that was a one-off thing, but the next couple of times when we were going to the supermarket to get some things to cook at home, he was holding out his hand too.

    I dunno why, but thinking about that makes me smile on my own and it feels good just thinking about that. My heart is definitely feeling it. We have amazing sex as well, but outside of the bedroom, more than ever, I just feel like it means so much to me that he wants to be seen in public holding my hands and being so physically close. When he was falling asleep yesterday when we were in bed, he couldn’t take his hands off me, and I love the way it felt. Just spent the Saturday afternoon just daydreaming about it. 🥰

  27. I had no idea how much I missed having a bit of a crush on someone you see everyday in your proximity. I think the dating apps have made me so jaded with dating and it going nowhere, so I decided to delete every single one until further notice. I decided to try something new so I got a booth at a local country fair. Turns out the cutest cowboy I’ve ever laid eyes on rents literally right in front of me. I have tried flirting with my eyes because I’m NGL, I’m actually very shy in person lol. I am also a huge freaking dork, he came to my booth to ask for a lighter (before anyone thinks he was flirting or something, I have lit candles as part of my decor so of course I have a lighter lol. He also probably saw all my neighbors ask for it as well) but anyways I dropped something while handing the dumb lighter, I was so nervous lol. Then he wished me good luck with sales and I said likewise. I feel like a dumb teenager lol like oh em gee he asked for my calculator in math class type of deal. I also noticed that he’s been able to light his cigarettes somewhere else since then so I’m like oh, ok then 🙁
    I am also working with my male cousin, we look nothing alike and I’m thinking “I hope mr cowboy knows he’s not my SO or anything of the sort” anyways. I know this is not going anywhere either, but it adds a layer of fun to what I am already doing haha. 2 more weeks of this :’)

  28. I know that when I’ve only been on one great date (agreed to the second), I simply can’t expect the other person to only focus on me. Still, it does hurt when I saw they updated their profile the day after the date (and constantly being active), which clearly indicates that they are keeping the options wide open. It’s difficult to not interpret (from the surface level) that they are probably not interested in me after all, and probably have met someone else.
    It doesn’t help that I’m attracted to them (they are my type in many ways). But I’ve been trying really hard to talk myself out of the insecurities, acknowledge the OLD reality, and get back to my normal and happy self. Sigh…

  30. I haven’t been on many dates in years, but had a great walk and talk date today in the hiking trails in town.
    I texted her that I had a great time and she responded with the same, but now I’m not sure what I should do next.
    Do I ask if she’d like to go out again sometime? And if so, is asking later in the day enough time to pass?

  31. Anyone else struggle when things start seemingly perfect and all you can think about when you’re not with them is “this is too good to be true, when am I gonna find something wrong?” But when you’re with them all those thoughts are out the window and everything seems perfect.

  32. I wish I could go on a date with chatgpt-5 because chatgpt understands me. The male loneliness epidemic is real guys.

  33. Hi, Sherlocks!
    What’s the clear sign that a person you’re dating/just started talking to has a family and hiding it? What’s the sign of the 2nd phone? Maybe, there’re clear indications of you being in their 2nd phone?
    I noticed a strange tendency like disappearing from the phone right after work/after commute back home. Reappearing later at night around 11pm. Weekends, reappearing at 2-3pm. So, it’s pretty irregular and very long intervals in the evenings and weekends compared to all those daytime chats. 

  34. Wish me luck y’all – there’s another nerd con in town, so I’m going to head down there and see what there is to see. It’s a bit more degen than the last one I “went to”, so should be interesting at the very least.

    I told my alexa to play party music while I was getting ready and… it’s just playing very sexually explicit music (NOT any part of my intention of going there or related to any music I usually listen to/haven’t ever heard the grand majority of this music). Like, songs legit about just banging. Yes I know I’m single single and it’s been a while, amazon. Also wtf kind of parties does amazon music think I’m attending??

    Edit: At my first stop of the afternoon, and there’s a guy with a leucistic python. 

    Edit again: and dude’s got another regular one in a breathable bag tied to his belt. Already super interesting.

  35. I got ghosted after the 1st date and it’s the first time it happened to me 😅

    He ended the previous relationship because his ex’s communication skills were poor, but clearly it’s his. It was sad it happened and now it’s funny. He’s almost 40 years old and he should know how to communicate. Glad it happened after the first date instead of dating for a while.

  36. I was trying to zoom in on their picture and accidentally swiped right. Then they matched me. Awkward.

  37. Got my heart broken today. Really feeling the hurt right now. I’ll dust myself off in the morning.

  38. Had my (33M) first date in several months last week after hiatus. It was nothing special. No chemistry at all.

    Overall I think I’m losing more and more interest in trying. I’m so sick of never have anything working out. Being alone is not great not terrible but at least you avoid getting any hopes up just to have them crushed.

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