I’m 22f and the reason I’ve been single all my life is because I hardly ever find anyone attractive. Like it’s so rare I find someone who I like and it’s rlly annoying. I don’t understand how some people have a new partner every month are they actually attracted to them bc I only seem to find someone attractive once a year.


32 comments

  3. Not sure. I go outside and find tons of girls I’d marry on the spot based on looks if they passed a quick 5 minute red flag screening interview.

  5. I’ve had the same problem.. men just don’t put in as much effort into their looks so we have less to choose from whereas they have endless options.

    You’ll find someone. People always told me that attraction can grow, and I never believed them but it did actually happen. I mean obviously there has to be some baseline level of attraction but you don’t have to feel a “spark” right away

  7. I’m 23F and facing the same issue lol…

    I obviously find a lot of fictional men attractive… but in real life… it’s tough

  8. 23f, same problem. I’m in uni surrounded by guys because of my male dominated major but I barely find any guys there attractive.
    I’ve been there a year, socializing a ton with so many different people and I met 3 guys in total that I found attractive and who I feel like dating.

    The first was someone who I found out had a gf,
    The second who is in my major I found out every other girl also had a crush on lol,
    The third guy I share a ton of hobbies but he seems to only have female close friends (who pretty obviously also have feelings for him)

    and at first I was like “maybe I should make my interest more obvious” but then the guy got distant and dodgy as I wanted to hang out more so I’m taking that as a “no” haha

  10. Haha, im the same! Rarely find others attractive on the spot. Sometimes I like their vibe, n personality so that pulls me to get to know them better. If I keep sharing with them, they might grow on me after a while

  14. Do you know what makes you attracted to someone?

    If you can detail the things that drive your attraction then you can try to put yourself in a better position to be around that type of person

  15. Maybe you’re just that picky. People date other who they may not find that attractive also.

  16. I’m the same. I realized I can’t be attracted to someone enough to care if I don’t have a connection with them. I have to get to know them first. Every guy I’ve been into irl has been very average looking, but I fell for their personality and then they were hot to me lol

  17. It’s ok not to find most people attractive. It may sound counterintuitive, but if you want to eventually have a healthy romantic relationship, focus on making platonic connections with people you genuinely like as people. You may find yourself becoming more physically attracted to someone because of who they are on the inside; you may also find yourself less attracted to someone for the same reason, and thus save yourself time and energy.

    (If you’re into men) This will also go a LONG way in filtering out all the men who only see women as potential sources of labor/sex/ego boosting/whatever else, not whole human beings to appreciate and make real connections with. It’s always more men than you think, including many of the “”nice”” ones, because that view of women is so normalized. Even if you’re gay, there are women who use women that way too. Always experience people as friends first for a good while; that’s how you’ll eventually find a truly great romantic connection, and you might gain some great friendships along the way too.

  18. At only 22 y/o all your life is a very short amount of time so far, so keep your chin up, you have a lifetime to find a good person. Also people’s preferences are different, so it’s just as normal for you to find hardly anyone attractive as it is for others to have a new partner every month.

    Do you have a solid understanding of what qualities you find attractive or are you just going by feel? It might help you reflect on your preferences and determine what you find most important in attraction and in a partner if you make a list of what qualities you like, or journal a bit on what you liked about the last person you were attracted to. For example, my preferences for physical attraction get a lot more flexible when I can connect with a woman through some common interest or hobby.

    Either way, I hope you persevere and keep looking out for what’s best for you.

  19. I have the same problem- Idk if you have some trauma or are a bit neurodivergent or something like that. I feel the same way and it isnt even like im attracted to the most conventionally attractive types either- or I feel no attraction at all and then it builds over time- and then I can go back to not feeling attracted again. Its really weird and has made dating hard for me. Would say I’m attractive, but I dont think it has anything to do with feeling attractive- just idk have a hard time feeling thaf- and get grossed out easily :/

  20. I have this same issue, but I eventually realised it’s because I’m demisexual.

    I tend to only find someone attractive once I know them and have formed some sort of mental attraction to their personality.

    To just look at most people, however, I feel nothing.

  22. You’re only 22 who cares! Live your single life don’t worry about loser men you’ll find someone worthy of you in the long run

  23. We live in a world where being in a relationship is seen as a life goal, not something you should want personally. A lot of people will push things or lie to themselves to get that.

    Also, you might want to try looking up the asexuality/aromanticism spectrum. Finding the right label can be really annoying (and theres no one saying you need to have one at all) but even just hearing about other people’s experiences can help. Just remember there’s nothing wrong with you!

  24. Strong instant attraction for me is sporadic, maybe a couple of times a year.

    But a lot of ppl for me fall under ‘like how they look but no strong emotional response’ or ‘true neutral’ – with both of these categories if I end up liking them as a person I will end up finding them more attractive, and that grows naturally over time.

  25. Maybe you don’t find people attractive just based on looks? There’s this meme “Is he hot or is he just your co-worker?” and I think it holds a lot of truth to it. Getting to know people, while doing something together is a time-tested way to start developing feelings.. this is of course not without its problems. Hobbies might be better.

  26. Do you like get to know any of these people? Sometimes it’s a defense thing and a lot of relationships I’ve had/seen ended up not being their exact type but that eventually didn’t matter in the end because there were so many other attributes to them.

  27. I have the same issue and im lesbian. Most people just dont look very good at all ngl.

  28. Attractiveness isn’t just physical appearance either, for example confidence can increase someone’s attractiveness by a nice amount, people’s personality counts too, maybe you just have to try and get to know people, I remember talking to a girl in my 20s and didn’t find her the most attractive but she was cool as shit and after a few months of us talking and getting to know each other she was the most attractive person I’ve ever met, I’ve had the opposite happen too, first night I met a girl she was a 10, and it just kept going down, after talking for a while I just learned she was a vile human and suddenly she was repulsive. Physical appearance isn’t the whole equation and how they present themselves and how you perceive them as a person does change their attractiveness

  29. I’m in the same boat, and it’s a serious problem at this point. I just do not find most guys attractive. I’m not trying to be a jerk. I wish I wasn’t like this.

    For the record, I don’t find myself attractive, either, to the point where I’m genuinely confused and can’t believe it when a guy shows interest in me

  31. you used all gender neutral pronouns in ur post, so everyone is assuming you’re talking about men. are you interested in all genders or are you talking abt men specifically? bc if so, maybe you’re a lesbian lol

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