Hey Reddit, I'm in a really weird and confusing situation and I could use some outside perspective on what is even happening.
About three weeks ago, I met a guy on Tinder. We hit it off immediately. The connection was instant and the conversations were amazing. He was incredibly warm and attentive, texting all day. He started calling me pet names like "my queen" and "princess," and it felt very romantic.
He also send me some cash app money and I felt he was really invested in me.
Here's where it gets weird:
After 2nd date and three weeks of this "perfect" connection, he suddenly changed. He went cold and ignored me for almost 22 hours.
He finally came back at midnight after 22 hours of silence with a super low-effort, selfish text ("hey love") and then later, "wish for you to be here with me in bed." It felt like a slap in the face.
I was hurt, but I decided not to cause drama. I just, pulled back. I started matching his energy. When he sent these lazy, flirty texts, I would wait a long time (an hour or two) and just send a short, polite, emoji-free reply.
He hated it. He immediately started trying harder. He sent a message asking if I was okay, it seems like I changed, and then I just said I was fine, just relaxing. I didn’t want to get into his drama.
It was so obvious he had noticed I wasn't being his warm, adoring "girl" anymore. I just sweetly but firmly said I was super tired and was going to bed.
The complete reversal:
Today, he was a different person. He woke up and sent me a good morning text along with a picture. He was clearly trying to win me back.
We've been chatting all day, and it's been like it was at the start warm, reciprocal, and fun. He's been sending pictures and engaging.
Now… he goes silent again for 6 hours.
My head is spinning. What is his endgame here?
Why is he so hot and cold? Is this "avoidant attachment" or something?
I (stupidly or not) enjoy him, our chemistry, the attention and the 🎁-perks. I'm just so confused about his motives.
We’ve had ZERO sex yet, just went on two dates and been texting.. and did I handle this right by pulling back, or have I just taught him how to be a "better" manipulator?
What is actually happening here?
TL;DR: Met a guy (40M) who love-bombed me (gifts, constant texts). He went cold and disrespectful. I went cold back. He returned, and is now back to being the perfect, attentive guy. Then cold again… isn’t replying for 6 hours… I'm confused about his motives and what this dynamic is.