This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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I hate my big nose, I’m most likely going to get a rhinoplasty this year. I know dating shouldn’t be a reason to modify yourself, but it’s really making me insecure in as much I can’t be in pictures, and I also can’t even get a date anyway. Has anyone experienced transformational dating results after surgery? I’m not doing this for the opposite sex, but really for my own sense of not feeling hideous.
Mornin’ y’all! May you receive only enthusiastic replies and reciprocal questions from all of your matches today!
I think clicking on the Extend Match button in Bumble might be one of the most cruel things you can do to yourself.
Went to a speed dating date thing the other day.
Matched with everyone i wanted to match with, didn’t work out with anyone because of various factors.
In person speed dating just as rough as the apps – someone i saw here mentioned it was like app dating for extroverts and i have to agree
Despite my anxieties being triggered yesterday, I slept… not horribly lol
Attachment theory, my shortcomings, and bridging the gap between my logical understanding of things vs my nervous system is going to be a while it seems. Looking forward to the next time I start dating actively and putting these to practice.
Dear DOT Diary,
It’s all hitting like a ton of bricks. He has goodbye dinners to attend, and is trying to fit seeing me one last time in around all that.
Last time. It sucks so much.
Waffling between same size as I currently own, or a size up, for new PJ pants. I’ve gained weight since I met him but I think it might come falling off again now, so which way to go? 🤔
Sincerely,
A Fool
I’ve lurked here for a while and made an account twice or thrice to get specific advice. I think I’d like to become a regular so to speak so hello everyone. Some of you I see post regularly and it just seems nice to have this community.
30M, almost 31. Current dating situation is: SINGLE. I’ve been on 3 first dates this year and zero second dates. However, I do have a FWB and we hook up about once per month, which helps. She’s going through a divorce and also has kids, I’ve had a vasectomy and do not want children. I’m open with her that it’ll never be a relationship, and she has her own reasons for not wanting a relationship with me.
My main hobby is social dancing and I feel so lucky to have it in my life. I’m not touch starved (I dance a lot of kizomba and kompa, which are danced very close,) and I get to express my sensuality in contexts outside of sex. This has felt healing, but I have yet to identify why it feels healing/what specifically I’m healing from. Probably has something to do with how our society sexualizes everything, and I like having this outlet that’s sensual but not sexual.
My friends are mostly from dancing. One thing I love is how intentional we are about breaking the touch phobia in our society. We cuddle at socials, share deep hugs, and also a lot of verbal affection and complements. I’m single, but my affection touch and sexual needs are met. It’s crazy!
I’m also a musician and working on my 5th album.
And I have a good job, which I feel lucky about as well. I grew up very working class, dad was an on again off again bank teller who struggled (and continues to struggle) with bipolar disorder, mom is a special ed para educator who struggled (and continues to struggle) with alcoholism. My mom is loving and caring despite her issues, my dad is not. I have limited contact with my mom because the drinking is tough to see/hear, and no contact with my father. My upbringing was pretty unstable at times and my father was abusive, particularly when he first started trying medication for his bipolar which I would’ve been 14-16 during that time. He also almost died when I was 14 or 15 which is its own story. I was kicked out at age 18 and was sorta homeless? I couch surfed, stayed with other family members and friends, had a few nights in my van in a Safeway parking lot. Anyways I’d never have expected to be in a job that has me solidly upper middle class, with a nice apartment, nice car, healthy 401k which has me on track to retire around age 50. Really nuts.
Ideally, I wouldn’t have had so much trauma growing up, but it did make me strong, and I’ve done a lot of healing through various methods.
By biggest challenge right now is I’m dealing with a lot of anxiety, especially around my health and especially at night. I work out a ton and eat very well, so I’m healthy. I fear getting sick and losing all of this work I’ve put in. I long for someone to hold me at night. When I was in relationships in the past where we lived together, if I was anxious at night, I’d roll over and hold her and fall right back asleep. Now I’m often up for hours in the middle of the night anxious. It really sucks.
But, I want a highly compatible partner, and I’m willing to wait for the right person to come into my life.
There is one woman in my life who I have a bit of a crush on, but, I don’t feel even an ounce of a spark/reciprocation on her end. It could be because I haven’t been clear enough that I like her, but in the past, I’ve felt….something from the other person, and here, I just don’t feel that something from her. And that’s ok, she’s great as a friend, too.
I used the apps earlier this year and in past years but they don’t work great for me. I used to get lots of matches, something changed this year and my match volume steeply decreased. However, even when I was getting matches, it felt so unnatural to have to integrate this person from the internet into my real life. I’m also semi-demi as I like to say, it does take me a while to develop feelings for people. I’m tempted to try the apps again soon, but I just think they’re not that compatible with who I am as a person. I also HATE texting so that doesn’t help.
Anyways that’s enough about me for now, I’ll do some commenting or something. It’s a slow day at work so I have some time to kill.
Been with my lovely girlfriend 4 months now, we’ve got our first holiday together beginning of November.
Never been happier. We have such different interests but connect so well on an emotional, moral and ethical level, along side having similar outlooks on life.
We both want to get married next year and start a family if we’re lucky enough to be able to.
It’s really funny how easy a relationship is when it’s health and both parties are equally as invested in it.
Curious to hear people’s thoughts on when you think it’s a good time to bring up exclusivity, what you’re looking for, DTR, whatever you wanna call it.
I made a post a couple days ago about someone I’d gone out with twice. We had a third date that went really well and a fourth is scheduled for this weekend. We’ve also talked about other random future plans to do together, so we’re both clearly interested in continuing to see each other. We text every day. But…this weekend will only be two weeks since we met! I feel like that’s way too soon to bring anything up and I don’t have an intention of talking about it quite yet. But at the pace we’re going, the number of dates is gonna start to add up quick. Usually I’d say by the 5th date you should at least talk about how you’re feeling about things, but our 5th date will likely be less than 20 days of knowing each other. I’m probably overthinking this. How do you guys decide when it feels right to discuss? Especially when the timeline seems to be moving kinda quick?