Yesterday my bf spent the whole day trying to push my buttons. The final straw was when I said, “It’s sad to see so many girls ruining their faces with fillers.” to which he replied, “Well, I find it sexy.”. I said, “You’re sure you want to rage-bait me right now?” and he goes, “Yes, I love making you mad.”
After that I called his bluff and said “Yeah sure, as if you weren’t trying to buy sex from plastic bimbos when we were dating.” (Note: from what he’s told me, he never actually slept with anyone.) I dropped it after that, but he went completely silent showing he’s furious. When I tried holding his hand, he pushed it away.
For context: a few months ago I found out about this escort thing, and he made me promise never to bring it up again because he’s embarrassed and ashamed. He’s blown up about it before, the first times were when I just asked questions, trying to understand. I know I shouldn’t have thrown it at him like that yesterday, but it came out after being rage-baited for hours. I’ve already apologized for using it against him and for breaking my promise.
What confuses me is why he feels such intense shame. I’ve done things I regret too, but I wouldn’t freak out to that degree. It’s been over 24 hours now; he’s still stonewalling. We live together, and he barely looks at me. He eats the food I make, says “thank you,” and goes silent again. I’ve tried hugging him a few times, but he just pushes me away.
Aside from this, our relationship is actually really good and happy. He just has this habit of “jokingly” rage-baiting me, even about other women which is hard for me since I’m a jealous person (he knows this). He thinks I should just stop being insecure and take his jokes, even when he’s deliberately making me jealous.
So my question is: how do you handle a partner who shuts down for days after a fight?
Do I give him space? Keep trying to reconnect? I feel like I’m walking on eggshells right now and honestly don’t know what the right move is.