I'm 21, in college right now. I was in school during the Covid pandemic. I had to stay at home for about 3 years after school due to few medical issues including epilepsy. 2 years of online class and 3 years at home after that because I failed college.
It's been more than a month in college now, people see me as a confident guy with good public speaking skills. But I'm alone, not able to find friends in college. I'm not able to talk to anyone, it feels hard now. I'm always left out during group projects and assignments and this loneliness is killing me.
I tried using Google and chatgpt like tools to get an idea on what to do but it doesn't seem to help. I like a girl in my class, I desperately want to talk to her. But the first thought I get is how will I talk to her? I'm not even able to hold a proper conversation.
Today I left to home before lunch. It was painful being alone, looking at others talking and having fun while I was sitting and rethinking life – calling myself a failure and whatnot, I got suicidal thoughts too
What am I doing wrong or what am I not doing right? I don't have anyone I can speak about this, so if you'd guide me it will help me and probably save my life.
10 comments
I’m 22 and I resigned myself to had no social life, kinda
It’s not that terrible being alone
being social is like anything else in life, if you’re not good at it you’ll have to practice! my biggest recommendation is to find something you like to do and join a club. that way you have something to do when you don’t feel like talking and you won’t just sit in silence. and you’ll also have something to talk about since you all have a common interest. through that, you’ll get a lot of practice socializing and seeing what kind of socializer you are.
i would also say don’t feel pressure to be someone you’re not. absolutely seek out friends but if you find that you’re the quiet type who only contributes here and there, that’s okay. but maybe you will practice socializing and discover you like talking as much as everyone else and that’ll be great!
hang in there. you’re still young and you will figure it out! but it will require you to put yourself out there and maybe fall on your face metaphorically. as long as you’re trying and practicing you can’t go wrong. like you said, it’ll save your life. good luck out there bud. you absolutely got this.
Only 5 years? Try forever
hey man, reading this hit deep. i’ve been in a spot like this too.. the feeling invisible while everyone else seems to have their own people. it messes with our head so bad, especially when you know you have something to offer but still end up alone. what honestly helped me to slowly get out of that hole was finding places where people actually want to connect. i’m lookin for ppl with same interest as me and now i’ve been using The AnchorNet lately. most of the people there are just like us. trying to find real convos, not pretending to have it all together. it’s easier to talk when you’re not scared of being judged, y’know?
Hey… I understand your situation….
1. Never show that you r kinda desperate …it creates more dislike for you.. behave very chill…as if you like to be alone
2. Observe people (from people I mean boys) from far …and thier behaviour and way of talking …. Find out who is more like you. …and then you start with that person….you start a conversation regarding work ( never discuss personal stuff of movie/coffee plans on first meet ). Ask him about some notes or some help regarding classes.
3. Be very gentle and calm. And be normal …. If some one doesn’t wanna talk or help you ..don’t ever chase them …it makes them dislike you more …you just switch over to the next person ..
4. Take part in your class song competition/other events / drawing competition or such small things. Give little funny speeches on festivals and independence days etc…this will cause some people to start liking you.
5. If some one teases you /bullies you ….never become angry, never retaliate. Smile it off ignore them and walk away or speak small funny comebacks, people will respect you a lot for this, it make you look like you are above all these kids teasing stuff.
6. when you have a circle of give and take agreement …(I.e you give your notes to them in exchange of theirs for studies etc ) Only at this point you can ask them out for a coffee/movie.
7. During a casual meet (not works related meet) be calm and gentle and a little funny… Don’t go out of your way into hysteria.
Remember It will take years for people to connect with you and be your pals …. And it takes just one incident/fight/madness to spoil a good connection.
Finally
Regarding the girl that you like
8. Don’t assume that she likes you, shes a human too and can reject you… So 1st thing you need is be ready to take rejection like a MAN (even before approaching her) and let her go …and move on to next one. Get rid of desperation for her…it makes you look bad.
9. Follow the same principles …first and exchange of notes and work ….then move to coffee/little walks….then move to movies/parties with her …..at some point when she knows you well….you can only then tell her how you feel ….
You can tell her before also … there will be higher chances of getting rejected…but it saves time. You can maybe invest the same time in someone else.
Once rejected …don’t try again and again for the same girl ..it makes you look desperate….
Friendship love and relationships are WAY different inreal life than what is shown in movies
Same 🙁
It’s not always the greatest being in the limelight social butterfly but I understand what you mean seen it and felt the same we’re all alone everyone is for themselves this will go with family and friends too. Man up grow a pair is what the world will tell you. World is a cruel place in bad times. Focus on yourself learn youself and improve its better that way. Learn discipline. Healthy mind body soul. Learn meditation Learn yoga and build go to the gym. Life is an art
If you’re having wrong thoughts perhaps call emergency services or go therapy… try better help app? Perhaps a pet? Just know we’re all init together (alone) stay strong💪
If you like the girl go for it brother. Everyman will learn game just get in where you fit in. Just know what you have to bring to the table not just what you’ll get from it. Mindset is first
If you’re under your school’s health insurance plan, go seek a psychologist. They are best equipped to talk about this and other matters.
Having been alone for ten years at 17 aside from my family, one easier way to kind of make friends might be to find an activity you enjoy, and find others who enjoy it.
Loneliness can be ignored. Time has shown me how. I like that it helps keep you awake and can use the time to catch up on projects, reading and homework.