My wife (40F) and I (40M) have been married 14 years, live in a HCOL area, and have been building successful careers in our fields. We have 2 kids under 12 and enjoy good financial security. She has a very stable career while I work for a startup with an uncertain future. We both contribute about the same to household finances.
Recently my wife has been struggling with depression, anxiety, and has adhd. For about a year she’s been thinking about taking a step back from working to SAHM and focus on her passions. I’ve never told her what to do, but I’ve expressed my concerns about losing half our income and how that impacts our lifestyle. I’ve asked her to put together a budget and plan that we both agree to.
Well, last week she decided she had enough of work and suddenly quit without telling me in advance. No plan, no discussion, just quit. I don’t want to be controlling, but I am extremely stressed about our finances. She tells me to “trust her” and “have faith” that we’ll be okay. I feel like I can relax if I see a plan but she doesn’t want to work on it with me because she thinks I’m being mean or judgmental.
Cutting our income in half leaves us with enough to pay our bills, groceries, and essentials but that’s about it. I feel like this irrational behavior is harmful to our family and maybe I should consider divorce. Am overreacting? I hate that I can’t finance her dream lifestyle but I want to live in reality.
TLDR: wife made a sudden change to our financial security without consulting.