Before we were engaged, I had adopted our dog. He was aware I would be adopting the dog, but was concerned it would control our lives. I told him, having a dog doesn't completely control your lives, there are dog sitters, and I'll do everything like walking, feeding, vets ect.
I have seen him loving on our dog for years now, our dog is now six. I have always been raised with dogs being literal members of the family. He grew up in India and did have a dog, but apparently doesn't see them as family. We are planning to move from the USA because he is on a greencard and it is becoming unsafe/restrictive/or uncomfortable for anyone who is not a citizen. Our dog is a bully breed and they are banned many places in the world. Pitt bulls are banned in India.
We, together, found two places we could move that accommodates english language and doesn't have bully bans. He's now saying he feels trapped to choose between those two places even though we came up with them together, and that our dog is controlling our lives. That if he needed to move back to India for family, he will. I said " then go ahead and leave" that " i will never leave my dog behind, he is my baby and I thought he saw him the same, I thought he was our child" he gets so mad that I say I would rather him leave me behind and us be separated than me giving up my dog. I also have severe anxiety and having a dog has always been an added emotional support. We kept arguing and it got to the point we were yelling because he was telling me it was ridiculous I would do that and I should care about a dog more than family. It's not that though, I care about my dog and family equally. He said things like "he is just a pet, a pet shouldn't control our lives and where we live"..like it's not my fault there are discriminatory factors pushing us out of this country and discriminatory factors not allowing us to bring our whole family (dog included) to different countries. I already might need to give up my chinchilla i found in the street 6 years ago, that I love like family, because they're illegal in one of the countries.
I just need some other dog lovers to weigh in.. I'm feeling so much animosity that he would imply our dog is not our family over and over, and make me consider leaving our dog behind which I never would. For the record, he has always only ever showed love to our dog. I thought he was very well aware how I feel about dogs as my family as I had a different dog when we first met and he saw me go through the death.
Idk if I'm looking for support, or maybe people who have struggled through this same thing. I'm not sure, just had to share.
Edit:
Wow yall went wild on this.. for some clarity – why yes indeed I do have mental illness thank you. Its called severe generalized anxiety & I did see a therapist for a long time until recently because I can't afford it. It is an actual condition that I have sought treatment for, and the only thing that actually assists with it are medication, and the best medicine, hugging and spending time with my dog. That's an aspect I think people do not understand. I don't have a trained service dog, but my dog does provide a service to me, by helping me regulate my anxiety. Also – maybe I would feel different if I had actual children – I do not. I'm 31 years old and we are not in the place to have children at the moment, so people need to understand that due to this, I am care taker for my dog, whom I see as a child due to the nurturing I take part in with my dog and the love I receive back.
Also, I had a panic attack last night (actual thing that happens when you have severe anxiety). At the thought of loosing almost literally everything in the move, my career, my family, my friends and now my dog. He comforted me and said he didn't even want to move to India he just didn't want the door closed completely, and it was cruel of him to yell at me about picking him and his family or our dog, and that he understands I see our dog as our family and he does too.
The two places we both picked out are decent options, and no he doesn't even actually want to move to India and knows it would not be a good environment for me. Hes validly concerned about diversity in the two places we mutually chose, and he's concerned about getting a job. Its worth noting that in one of the options, I will have to take on a VISA which will (have to) be our business we have back here at home, and he will be free to work doing his career he is passionate about. The other, there are several places he can work. He is a bridge engineer, highly skilled trained, and in high demand. One of his dream firms is in one of the countries.
I appriciate everyone's input, but I want to echo what one commenter said – yall are the reason the shelters are overcrowding. I volunteer in dog rescue and see dogs killed every week in overcrowded shelters. My dog gets scared by strange men, and will react to them, if he was put in a shelter, he would be euthanized for behavioral issues on intake. To give him up would likely be a death sentence, which makes this even heavier.
Ultimately, we have worked it out and he appoligised for taking out his frustration about our circumstances and concentrating it on our dog.