I’ve (23F) been seeing this older man for approx 2,5 years. We hangout weekly and have sex. A relationship is not in the cards for us, but we are kind of sexually exclusive
He hasn’t slept with anyone else since we met, I have because he likes to share me. We pick out my outfit and lingerie together or he does it for me, I go to hook up, record it and send the videos to him (with permission ofc). The next time we meet, we talk it over and watch the tapes together. The common thread through our sex life together has been this fantasy
I’ve asked about what the appeal is. He says it’s the thought of owning me, deciding who can use me whenever he sees fit, and then reclaiming me. So that would be more hotwifing I think? He knows this is the most exciting part for me and that we can bond over this better. Tbh, I feel like there’s more to it. He loves to see me use toys as big as I can take them. Preferably black (I don’t mean any offense or to sexualize). The men I hook up with need to have large dicks. He wants to see and hear me enjoy other men like I’ve never been fucked so good. He’s not particularly big himself. And on top of that he wants me to have unprotected sex with them so they can come inside of me (I said no, too intimate and too much effort to keep it safe and healthy with multiple people)
Tbh, I’m certainly not trying to psychoanalyze him or throw terminology around to make sense of it. But what I don’t want, is to partake in a fantasy for a whole other reason than I’m made to believe. I’m into being shared and then taken back. But I don’t want to unknowingly partake in making someone feel like I prefer others over him. Even it he enjoys that, I just can’t. I think he is so fun and attractive, I can’t pretend I have better sex with other men because he’s the best I’ve ever had. When I tell him how amazing he is, it’s like he wants to hear something else
Recently, it hasn’t come up a lot because I lost touch with some of my hook up guys. We still have a great time together and we’ve been connecting more. But he’s expressed he wants to share me once, now months after I slept with someone else for the last time. I’m kinda not digging it because I believe he’s not fully transparent with me over this. I truly believe he likes and enjoys me, but I’m afraid the kink plays a bigger part. I want him to only have sex with me because I am enough, and not so he can feel cucked. Does that make sense?
I’m not looking to you guys as to what I need to decide or say, I know that’s up to me. I would just like to know: is this recognizable for any of you who dealt with maybe a similar kink? How do you go about having a constructive conversation, when it’s obviously a little sensitive for both of us? I definitely take things too personally sometimes and maybe I’m just not getting the gist of it. I don’t want to be harsh about something so personal