Boyfriend and I have been together 13 years.
When we first got together, the sex was amazing and everyday.
Over the last 4 years he's gotten very vanilla. He doesn't do anything rough. If I try to go faster than he wants he goes soft. He doesn't last more than 3 minutes. Yes he makes sure I cum first but with toys, never oral anymore. His idea of aftercare is dropping a clean towel on me. He still shows me affection outside of sex and is sweet and caring.
Maybe if I were a different kind of person this wouldn't be a bad thing.
I want someone to wrap my hair around their arm and fist and us either to move me around. I want some pain. I want bites and spanks and twists. I was the be teased. I want to be pounded and have to beg to stop.
I can appreciate gentle and slow and sweet and loving but not all the time, not when that's all that happens.
He wasn't like this when we first got together. He wasn't as rough as I was used to but he gave me some of what I craved. Then we had some rough times and we stopped having sex for a while and now it's different.
I can't tell him this. Oral stopped because I tried to give him pointers to make it better. The same as he does for me. He gets so upset over my advice he will not be able to preform. If I voice my desires during sex he goes soft and we stop. If I voice them outside of sex he gets defensive and says he isn't that kind of guy. Then he won't accept any advances for days.
I love him but I don't know what to do. I have toys. I use them. They aren't able to give me what I desperately crave.
I find myself feeling less and less sexually attractive because he can't stay hard unless it's exactly how he wants and then it's at most 3 minutes, usually more like 1. He cums, gives me a towel, and walks out.
I don't know if this makes sense, I'm tired and frustrated.