I am looking for some advice/encouragement as I am sure there are plenty of people in this situation. I (30F) have been single for a while and have been dating around on and off for the past three years. Before that, I was in a relationship for three years that was not good for me. I am not freaked out nor desperate, I just really want a support system and someone who cares deeply about me. I have not really had a huge issue being single, but it is starting to weigh on me. My age doesn’t help either.
I had a lot of work to do on myself after my breakup… I was almost 27, in a dead end job, my car barely worked, I had to move in with my mom, and I was 60 pounds overweight. Well, I got motivated and fixed every one of those issues. I got the job I have always wanted & moved across the country, bought a new car, moved into my own one bedroom in a HCOL area, and I lost 55ish pounds and am in the best shape of my life.
I always thought once I get to the place I wanted to get to, that dating would be so easy. That I would have no issues. I was completely wrong about that.
I have a hit dead end with everyone who I have been out with the past three year and I have been out with a lot of people (over three years). I am constantly wondering what is wrong with me and what I can do better. I am wondering, has anyone had this experience before? There have been a few guys who I have been into where the feeling was not reciprocated (and was rejected brutally in all instances). Besides a couple of guys, I have not felt a spark with anyone else. I understand that in some instances, the spark is not immediate, which is okay with me. But I have given so many people so many chances & I was never able to get there.
I know one of my biggest issues (I’ve been in therapy for years) is that I was treated like shit by my dad and treated like shit in my relationship. I grew up with a negative connotation of men. I always just assumed that they thought negatively of me because that is really all I have experienced. I have had men who I have dated recently say so many horrible things to me. It is to the point where my therapist and friends do not even believe me.
I have worked through a lot of this but I still have trouble opening up to people. I am capable of opening up but not immediately on the first or second date. I do try to be a little vulnerable, but never too vulnerable (at first). I will say, I do think this experience has made me stronger & more emotionally aware of how others feel. But I feel like I can feel others pain but no one can feel mine.
I am wondering if anyone has had an issue like this especially with how they were treated by men (or women) from childhood. I feel like this is what is really holding me back from feeling a real connection.
To add- I am looking for someone who understands and prioritizes self awareness and emotional intelligence. Someone who is educated and enjoys their career and other hobbies. and NO, I do not say no to someone because of their height. I am 5’1”. I also give almost everyone a second chance if I am not feeling it.