Hello. We have been married for over a decade. We have offspring. Recently, we have been going to marriage counseling due to some marriage problems involving a lack of quality communication, low intimacy, and a lack of vision for the near future.
During an appointment, I mentioned my porn addiction of very short duration at the beginning of our marriage. She was aware at the time, and we worked through it many years ago (I thought). When I mentioned the timeline of this porn usage, she interrupted me to state that it lasted over "two years". I know it wasn't more than several months.
Later, during the same appointment, when discussing visiting family during the holidays, she stated that we had decided not to visit my family (we did not decide this together; she just stated she was not going this next holiday season) because of "drug usage." This drug usage was when I was offered some MJ by a family member and refused. What was offered was legal MJ (we live in a location where it is legal). My spouse did not tell the counselor that she uses MJ herself multiple times a month.
My spouse also told the counselor that I had said that I do not love her. I have never said this. I once (regrettfully) shared that I was numb and was feeling like I did not love her, and reassured her that I did love her (I have combat PTSD). I thought I was sharing from a place of vulnerability and was expressing that I was seeking more mental help.
I was in too much shock to respond when I heard her say these things.
My personal therapist said I need to bring these things up at the next marriage counseling appointment, but I cannot bring myself to do it. Every time I bring up marriage issues, I am told that I am free to leave if it is better for my "mental health." Hearing her say things that are not the full truth has really caused concern for my marriage. Should I try to book a solo appointment with the counselor, or just blurt it out next appointment and brace for the backlash?
Thanks.