I have no one to talk to about this, so I will try my chances here. I have been married for 8 years. The marriage was very tough in the beginning, my husband and I argued a lot and a lot of extremely hurtful things were said. I forgave him, his behavior improved a lot, and such painful discussions do not happen anymore. I truly love him, but I believe something was "broken" inside me after listening to extremely painful words. But I value immensily that he worked on himself and became a more loving husband. Still, something inside me felt off..
Until I met this guy. I only saw him once, with a group of mutual friends. And then he messaged me, in a friendly way. I felt very isolated for years, and I thought this could truly become just a beautiful friendship, since we had so many tastes in common, similar views on life and everything else. But he eventually manifested that he has more interested in me then he thought. So I stopped talking to him and told my husband about it. We didn't speak for awhile.
Till we saw each other again. Once more with a group of friends. And then he messaged me again, saying he was sorry for acting inappropriate before and saying that he valued our newfound friendship and missed talking to me. So I started talking to him again. But things changed. He started to open up to me A LOT. A lot about his struggles, his deppression… and I realized I was falling for him. His sweetness and vulnerability were extremely moving. His humanity touched something in my heart. This whole thing lasted for only three weeks, with constant messaging, and it killed me inside. I was feeling guilty about my husband. Guilty about feeling something new that was already so profound, such a genuine, honest conection.
I decided to do the appropriate thing and told him we shouldn't talk anymore. He knows I like him too, but that this cannot happen. He respected my decision. But I feel like I am in hell. I miss everything about talking to him. I feel terrible about my husband, I love him and this was not fair. The other guy knows I like him, but I never said anything sexual, never sent him any photos, I would feel disgusting crossing that line. But did I have many fantasies about him? Yes. I still do.
I have been crying everyday. I love my husband. But I feel deeply moved by this guy and I missed him a lot. The fact that he was so respectful of my feelings moved me even more. I cry everyday, and I don't know what to do.
I understand that some of you are just gonna consider me a bad person, and that is okay. But if anyone has something so say, anything at all, that could help me see things clearly I would appreciate with all my being.
By the way, I'm from Uruguay, so parts of my speech might be confusing. I am sorry about that too.