I desperately need to talk to people about this, so here we go. I've been with my boyfriend officially for a couple months now. I consider him to be a good person and always trusted him, especially with Sex. I know empathy doesn't come to him very naturally though. In the past I've experienced several things that I would classify as sexual coercion, and most recently about a year ago a "mild" form of rape which I communicated to him was traumatic to me.
My boyfriend is going through a tough time, which isn't an excuse. But when we started having sex I immediately noticed a difference, which I felt was good initially. At some point we were at an angle that was extremely uncomfortable for me though, and I went "wait wait, that feels wrong". He continued, just a bit slower. I then said "I think I need a break.". He continued. I said "wait" again. At last I said "I seriously need a break now, stop it". All the while I was somewhat smiling inbetween (because I'm enormously unconfrontational and I don't ever raise my voice or talk sternly really) and my boyfriend said he wasn't sure if me 'making faces' meant discomfort or that I was enjoying it when I talked to him about it the next day. And he said he got "too lost in the sauce" essentially. I tried to communicate how it made me feel, how it relates to my past, and what I would have expected and wish for in the future, and he didn't apologize, didn't acknowledge almost anything of what I said and overall just sounded like he didn't take it very seriously or was aware and actively thought of my feelings. In total he responded literally in 3 sentences to my mindful attempt of communication (this was via text).
2 hours later I asked if he noticed anything about our conversation, to which he immediately said his responses were "quite short". I then kinda had to explain to him why and how I found his reaction lacking in several ways, and only then received an apology and an adequate response to everything. But I feel so disappointed and sort of distraught about the whole thing, and I feel like I'm exaggerating. He said he understood my asking him to wait as me saying he should go slower, which I can accept, but I don't see how "I think I need a break" wasn't clear enough to stop the first time around. After this happened I was quite apathetic for at least 10 minutes and basically didn't move at all anymore, while he kept pleasuring himself "on my body", which he'd also never done before. Eventually I just said "wait" again to test if he'd stop, and he immediately stopped and said we don't have to do anything I don't wanna do. But I don't think it makes up for the violation before that, and I don't think he even understands why this would be such a big deal to me.
Edit: To the creeps – please stop DMing me trying to gain sexual pleasure from my distress.