So, this is quite complicated. My online friend,[19M] and I [18F] have been friends multiple times. We met when we were 14 and our friendship has been very on and off. I've looked this up on reddit multiple times and have posted about this before, but it seems like nobody can really relate to my experience.
We have broken up 3 times before and this is our fourth time being friends again. The first time we broke up, it was because he got a girlfriend and we became distant. He came back months later apologizing and we became friends again. The second time and third time we broke up, it was because I let my insecurities and jealousy get in the way. I didn't like the fact that he couldn't be of much emotional support to me and that he mail me stuff when I would. I also got jealous of his friends. Our relationship just felt very one-sided to me. After our last time separating, I decided that it would be the end, but he reached out to me again through his friend. He said he wanted to talk again not because he had no one to talk to but because he just really missed me. He also told me that when he was working, he would think of buying me gifts because he never got the chance to get one for my birthday.
I'm not sure why we just can't stay friends for more than a year without separating. We talk every single day, send goodnight and good morning messages even when we don't talk much, we share very personal stuff with each other, but then we just stop. It feels like every time we become friends, everything goes well until I start to dislike him. Like I forget how much I love him. I don't want to dislike him and I'm aware of the things I have done wrong, but I still don't stop myself. I let my personal feelings get in the way. He's been very willing to stay friends with me and has never once expressed wanting to leave before. It makes me feel dumb.
TL;DR : My friend and I have a cyclical relationship and I'm not sure how to stop it.