This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
This post will be moderated, so if you see something breaking the rules, please report it.
13 comments
Any tips for getting contacts at a singles professional event? Been invited to one and its labeled as “single professional networking” but the host did say its for singles to get connected in dating. I know i went to a similar one by different host way back and some people didn’t even know its for matching but for job networking.. I guess its 3.5 hrs out of my day and could always bounce early i suppose… just dont want to be creepy but also want my intention to be apparent.
Eek! I set out to capture the eye of a man in a different “department” when I knew I would be crossing paths with him. 10/10 makeup and hair today. Im my ovulating phase. Eye contact. And BAM! He immediately viewed my insta story. OPERATION ATTRACT HIM is a go!
(We go back many years but are now both single at the same time). I think I could fly right now lol
I need to vent.
I 33M recently got together with a co worker 25F.
She was approaching her notice period and I was also looking to leave and now am.
This girl listened to me moan for 8 months about the breakdown of my previous relationship. But come end of June, with our friendship getting closer and closer she turned things physical.
Now, the flags were red from the start. She had just ghosted someone and told me to continue seeing other women. So the insecurities were there early. But with us being so close I sort of over looked them but was still apprehensive.
Time goes on and she is getting much more emotional in the relationship. Opening up about her past. Telling me she misses me whilst I’m at work. She moved in with her cats and starts working from mine in her new job. With the transition being so easy as we were friends already I didn’t think much of it.
One day, after ramping things up. I’m meeting the family. She’s planning dates over Halloween she starts becoming dismissive of affection and avoiding it, she asks me why I don’t message my ex over the cat. (Exs cat before. Left with me when she moved to a desert for work)
When I said no she said “because you’re leaving the door open for her.”
I was not.
The next day she says it’s time for her to go home. So I help her go home. Then very little.
3 weeks later. 1 week ago I get a text to tell me that she needs to say something and that she can’t give me what I need. How she hates that that was acting with me the way her ex treated her. Said I’m a down to earth lover boy and her brain chemistry can’t do that anymore and being avoidant with me made her feel awful.
I feel awful for her. Awful for me. And devastated that I’m losing a partner and a best friend at the same time.
Feel sad. Didn’t know what to do. Have a vent. Enjoy.
Venting, somewhat dating related: I didn’t get the raise I asked for at my job (been here 12 years), and my honest threat was that without it I would be leaving the area this Spring. And that’s true- if my career can’t progress, I can’t live in this small, struggling but extremely hcol city anymore. It really sucks bc that means I leave my friends too, and my long-term casual lover. With whom things have been really fun and healthy lately.
I believe that moving is a good idea on so many fronts-closer to family, less expensive houses, much bigger city/more jobs, bigger dating pool. But I’m really sad. And scared.
I don’t want to be in a half-relationship here if I also have a crappy underpaid job and too many bills. It’s like at least one of those things has to be progressing. Things kind of are with him, we’re way closer than we ever were, but I know there are still too many incompatibilities. I am bummed though. Taking some time to cry and worry before I try and shift that to excitement I guess.
One month since the breakup. Not crying every day but still feeling hopeless about the future. I live in a place that isn’t conducive to finding a person that meets my values (politically, etc.) and I don’t want to keep living here but I am financially unable to move right now, and I also am still in school. I know I’m not ready to date and I can take my time to just focus on my final semester, but I’m just sad and lonely.
NSFW?
My bf (47) and his best friend (33m) make gay jokes all the time. His buddy even paid for a shirt that says im not gay but $20 is $20. They both strangely are very uncomfortable with male homosexuality. I started telling them both they’re gay when they talk about eachothers junk or talk about other “gay” things. From my pov it’s all in fun. His buddy has an LTR with a woman. Obviously neither are gay. Ill say stuff like jeeze you must be gay if you want to talk about his package, or size or whatever. Like you’d have to envision what he working with to talk about it like that. We had a double date FOUR months ago. I just learned last night that his buddies gf was so bothered by my comments that she refuses to spend any time with me at all now. . . I had no idea. I was joking around right back as they were joking around, apparently it went too far for her? Im so confuzed. If you don’t let me know I offended you how am I supposed to adjust my behavior? How is them joking they’re gay ok, but me reiterating their gay not OK??? Wtf. Advice welcome.
I’m trying to multi-date and move slowly in romantic relationships, but I always have one guy I like the most. It’s so frustrating.
I decided to put fear aside and confront him on “if you wanted to, you would”. It’s ok if he doesn’t feel the same as I do, but I’m not going to let him act like he’s not making a choice.
The last we spoke about “us” he left saying we hadn’t reached a conclusion. I laughed and told him of course we have, he’s taking that job and we won’t see each other again.
Since then he’s had two (2) job interviews and one (1) very stressful family event.
I think he’d have told me if he got the first job, so now it all rests on his last interview in this city. I know I need to accept that it’s over, but it’s hard not to cling to a bit of hope— I think he’s more aware of what he’s choosing to walk away from now.
Mornin’ y’all! May the person of your dreams waltz into your living room and announce themselves today.
Is it too pick-me/try-hard to include a line that says something to the effect of “I don’t care about your height, hair or income”? The goal would be to put people at ease, convey that I’m not shallow and truly don’t care about that shit if we’re otherwise compatible. I’m a very unintimidating person and want people to know that, but I’m not sure how it would come across.
Maybe I’m way bigger of a people pleaser than I thought, I just don’t want anyone to feel insecure talking to me
Do you respond to ‘hey’ as a first message? I received this earlier this week. I replied but it’s fizzled out, which is somewhat predictable.
On the one hand, OLD is draining and many people never respond. I understand they don’t want to put in lots of effort. It seems silly to disregard someone when a reply on an app takes no energy from me.
On the other, I have a filled out profile and varied photos. I always comment on something in their profile as a first message, and try to put my best foot forward. I definitely have a habit of making excuses for people’s poor behaviour, which has varied results.
I am a 38m, who just loves love and doesn’t want to force anything, but just wants to find their person. It’s hard here in SoCal, and I know I am a tad unique (not really for everyone) because I don’t fit the typical Orange County vibe, but being patient is hard. My advice to anyone going through the same thing is, focus on continuing to improve yourself mentally or physically. Keep up your hobbies and don’t forget about your friends. Locking in to find someone is fine, just don’t make that your priority focus.
Feels like men just “swipe right” with no good thought behind it, irl as well as in apps.
This is the most obnoxious rant, I know. But I’m new to all this, and i find it so unnerving and uncomfortable.
Technically, i look good, so men flock over. But dude, I’m fucking weird. And i can’t enjoy aimless small talk. And all this attention is draining me and making it ironically very hard to date.
Can’t you just… really think about if we actually match? Do you really like me, or is it just your dick?
The number of interactions i encounter as soon as I’m going into a dating pool is so overwhelming. And not accurate!
I know it’s a rich people problem, but i really get anxious from too much attention from many people. Especially sexually.
And i don’t know how to handle it. I’m ashamed to even vent about it because of how obnoxious it sounds.
It’s just too much, and i end up not talking to those i do like because it’s all too much.
Ok….
Vented
Going to add “weirdly weird, tread with caution” to my dating profile