I am 35 and going through a divorce, I feel so much shame even though I wasn't the one who cheated or became emotionally abusive. Filing for divorce and choosing myself for my children and I was single handily one of the hardest things I have ever done. But God was literally screaming at me to "move". I made many mistakes myself and feel I have had an incredible amount of growth. I will say during our marriage I did not realize I had never truly committed my life to Christ, I was a barely warm Christian. I was committed to my marriage for 13 years and never faltered and still remain faithful during our divorce process.
The heavy heavy shame comes in where sadly, this is my second divorce. When I was 18 I got married on a whim, young reckless, self loathing, I had no concept of what divorce meant much less marriage. He went to war, came back a totally different person due to what he saw and I was a child, completely ill equipped to understand what he needed much less be a wife. We ljterally were divorced as soon as the ink dried on our marriage license. Lots of abuse. Again I was a child. I spent years dating my soon to be ex, intentionally dating etc. only to find out after the birth of our child he was a monster, not only to me but our children. It was a shock to all of our family and friends.
I understand to most I am damaged goods, I guess I wonder if you think people give grace when it comes to someone like me. I am devoting my life to Christ, working on healing and taking accountability for my wrong doings. I without a doubt love being a wife and mother. My greatest calling and the idea of never being that again is really heartbreaking. I have prayed heavily over this, wondering if maybe my situation seems unique or am I truly damaged goods.