To get a couple of things straight, they are kind and loving parents who have never abused me or anything.
I am a weird mix, successful in terms of career but socially kind of erratic I guess. Some history with drugs, which is probably pretty important.
Since I was a teenager my greatest pet peeve was the feeling that my parents were spying on me. My mother would always "accidentally" knock over my bag, or papers I had written on, and see their contents while "cleaning" them up.
I am sure it was done out of love/concern, but they know I can't stand it, and have known for decades. As a teenager if I was mad enough at my mother, I could just write a "diary entry" about her, because I knew she'd read it somehow.
Anyway, I ended up becoming an expat, surprise surprise, and moved to a place 22 hours on a plane away. I've gone back just twice in a decade, old friends' weddings and stuff.
In the past weeks, I had some minor issues with my partner recently, and decided it was a good time to get out of our flat. Went to stay with friends in another country, backpack got stolen, and I lost access to social media.
This sets off a familiar cycle where my parents get more and more worried. By the time I got back online, they had written some emails, I told them I'm ok but taking a bit of me-time.
My father wrote asking me to get back on social media, which I can't do, and I ignored it. A few days after that (i.e. just now) he wrote to say "surprise! we just booked flights across the world to the closest airport to your flat without asking you, we leave tomorrow! where and when should we meet up … "
Like, I am in my mid 30s. He is acting like they made some kooky decision, but in fact they just go crazy if they can't reach me.
The problem (to me) is, they really aren't abusive. They are loving, caring people, and they just worry about ne. I love them too — but I took a break specifically to be alone a while, and they are dropping thousands of dollars to try to take even that away from me.
Do I suck it up and cancel my self-time and spend the next indefinite period of time showing my parents I'm not dead? Or do I just tell them that it's late notice and I'm busy and I'll let them know if/when I'm free?
(Is there some kind of phenomenon where good parents can mess you up by being too caring? I basically just want them to care a bit less. If they didn't do stuff like this, I would actually want them around.)