I'm sick and tired of people skirting around direct communication in dating. If you're not into me anymore, just say "I don't think we're a good fit, I wish you well." That's what I say at least. But when I (a woman) like a guy and he's not feeling it it seems, he'd say "I'm not ready for a relationship." or "I gotta work on myself, I feel so overwhelmed, but I want to keep seeing you. This isn't over." Well probably better that they leave cuz I can't stand uninventive or unkind people haha. Soft no's are actually unkind.
It's so prevalent to say "I'm not ready" it's like an immediate turn off for me and red flag. I do not feel like this guy is worth pursuing or even thinking about anymore.
I've noticed this behavior in online dating the most. It overall attracts the most emotionally unavailable types.
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Hi emotional development is a skill and a practice. Unfortunately, most of the general public now a days is void of this. We can hope this skill is obtained but in the meantime we have to make the best of what is out there and seek more people who are on the same maturity level.
As a man, I agree. Nothing is worse than a soft rejection. I’m also someone that takes people’s words at face value.
You tell me you’re not ready “now,” okay I’ll give you some space. 6 months or a year down the road if we’re both single, why would I not see if you’re ready to give dating a shot?…
I’d rather be told “You’re an ugly f***ing loser, leave me alone” than have someone try to spare my feelings, and say something completely different than what they actually mean.
It’s just a nice way to let someone down easy and/or not commit. Also I don’t think they care much that it’s a red flag bc they are already pulling away at that point.
The thing is the guys are probably being genuine when they say that as well lol. They do want to work on themeselves, and they also want to keep seeing you, and they also aren’t ready for relationship. Things are more nuanced.
I feel you. And I don’t understand it either as a guy. I’m not available right now because of my circumstances. So I made the decision to not date any woman until I sorted myself out.
Anything else is just unfair and it won’t work out anyways.
I feel like when a guy is lukewarm or on the fence about you and says “you’re amazing but I’m not ready for a relationship” etc, they deep down don’t actually want to date you. Even if a guy objectively “isn’t ready” for a relationship, when he finds the girl of his dreams, he will all of a sudden be ready. It’s not you, it’s just the guy’s way of telling you he thinks you’re cool but doesn’t see a future with you. So, the excuse of not being ready is often non existent to a guy once he finds “the one”. Date guys who are 100% sure of you and who don’t give you mixed signals. The one that wants to be with you will make it known!!
This
When a man says that, it’s because he’s only interested on having a hookup(which means he got what he wanted and find a silly excuse to get out)…when a girl says that , it means that must have a better option for her…
Sad but true…
Good luck to you
well i am really ready for a long term relationship but i cant find any girl who wants that
I feel you. I was thinking of this just the other day. People will say they aren’t ready for a relationship, but there is usually an underlying issue they don’t want to talk about. If they aren’t ready to open up about what they are worried about then they are not ready for a relationship.
I had my two previous ex contact me saying hi after all this time. I mean we broke up a while ago. He is like the most emotionally unavailable man I’ve met in my entire dating life. He first said he didn’t contact me for anything sexual. Because I was just in his contact. We talked for 45 min just catching up. Then he kept saying hi daily. After a few days he got sexual. I was like no we aren’t doing that, I’m not his GF anymore. He said “oh you’re rejecting me, that’s a turn off. Please delete me from your contact and don’t contact me again.” “I’m gonna go take shower.” Lol wow. I was like what is this? I told him I didn’t contact him and he said sorry. I didn’t even reply for several days when he first contacted me because I deleted the app we used to communicate with and I was dating a new guy.
I think we have to be proactive in rejecting these no decent men. I dumped the new guy I was dating for a month+. It was short. Didn’t care. He didn’t treat me right and he was awful. He asked me to be his GF only after three dates. I didn’t want to be his GF but he wanted me to be his…he didn’t respect what I wanted. Only good thing was sex and his model handsome looks (he was fit too). Oh, he was actually vanilla in the sex department but overall I find many men boring and unsuitable as heck. So I move on very quickly to other men as soon as I don’t see he isn’t the one. You should do the same. I dumped his ass and blocked him from everything last week. I just went out with another guy last night just for a delicious dinner. But he was very nice (not exactly my type in terms of looks wise but he’s a very accomplished guy, I love his intelligence.) So I’m going out on a second date with him this upcoming weekend too. He got no kid and he has lots of freedoms unlike the previous guy I dumped. It felt liberating.
You should move on very quickly if you don’t see a potential as a long-term partner. If a guy told me “I’m not sure yet”, or anything like that or if I see in his actions anything non-committal, I move on like a wind. You should do the same. Otherwise it would be harder for you to move on and you’re wasting your precious time. We should spend time dating guys who are good for us. Not wishy washy men.
If it’s a guy saying this I think that’s actually what it means. Guys are pretty honest in this way. Whoever this is just wants to hook up and is being truthful about not being in a place or not wanting to be committed. And thank god they say that, instead of seemingly committing while cheating on the side.
I don’t understand this. It seems like these people don’t think you’re not a good fit or not who they want, they just don’t want a relationship which is fine and so why would they say anything else?
I think that most people – whether they believe they’re ready or not- would consider a relationship once they encounter someone they believe is worthy of investing in. Granted, not everyone reaches that point after 1-2 dates but they should have some idea of it.
You can look at this two ways. And one of them is very complementary to you. When I have a break up and I meet somebody who’s great and we start dating and that person is still great, but I realize that I am carrying bad toxic traits from the last thing I did. A good example of this is I am never a jealous person, but if I notice I’m exhibiting jealousy already in my new relationship. Or if I’m getting angry in anyway. I’ve worked very hard in my friendships, in my relationships- even in traffic to not get angry ever. I maintain great relationships even with my ex-husband. But for some reason after a new relationship ends, if I haven’t fixed it in my head before I meet someone else I noticed that I get frustrated or angry, very easy. And that’s just not me.
How this should complement you as you should understand that you’re great enough that someone tries to get past trauma or frustrations. It’s just gonna take them a bit longer. And if you’re one of those people who is impatient, then you will drive people away quicker. Sometimes people need a break of a couple of weeks to realize how great you are and come back and you have to be open to that. After we’ve had relationships or marriages, and everybody has to have a moment to pause and think about what they’re doing I hope this helps you.
Just happened to me again a couple weeks ago. Had been seeing a girl for about 3 months, we were taking it slow because we basically had both gotten out of terrible relationships in the last year. Went on a few dates, texted/talked every day. Had scheduled a date on a Sunday afternoon, she texted me 30 minutes before we were supposed to meet “im sorry but I can’t do this. Trying to date has my anxiety too high. Im just not ready for a relationship”. It took you that long to figure that out? My only question for her was “why were you on a dating app then?”
Same as ‘we can still be friend’. I feel rather getting slap in the face and get reject still better than hearing these words.
What about the guy who talks about getting married and then says your almost perfect, wife material. Then a few days later he says we’re not getting married. A few days later, im not in love with you anymore but have love for you. To lastly this relationship isn’t worth it. The last part is the truth. Back n fourth since 2012 and hes single on social media. The time I wasted on this man was definitely not worth it.
I think it’s fine to say that as long as you know anyone who tells you that is saying they’re not ready for a relationshit *with you*.
As someone who doesn’t want a relationshit with anyone though it’s pretty hilarious when people feed me this line, like I don’t want that either actually and never said I did.
But what if you’re *really* not ready for a relationship?
Personal issues, focus on careers, simply not being in the right headspace… There are many reasons which could explain someone not looking to be in a relationship, and sometimes it even takes a bit of time to realize it.
If you don’t want to wait and hold on when someone is like that, there is absolutely no problem, but it’s not fair to always blindly assume it’s an excuse.
I’m so tired of it too. Had a guy love bomb and future take me for 6 days (3 dates). Stood me up for the 4th date and then excused himself by saying his work and home life wasn’t conducive to dating. I offered to talk about expectations, make it work — bc on the 3rd date he said he had feelings for me….. crickets. ghosted. Left on read. I’m still struggling with what happened and that was a fkng week ago.
This is exactly why I’m about to give up on dating. It seems everyone wants sex and no commitment. Or want the option to keep you til the next best thing comes along.
“I’m not ready for a relationship” is almost always a half true statement.
It’s missing the other half of the sentence. It should be, but rarely ever is, followed with one of(but not limited to) the following:
“,Because I just got out of a bad one and am not emotionally available, and that would be unfair to you. ”
“- with you, but I do still wanna fuck if that’s cool.”
Or
“I have to confess, I’m actually 3 young boys in a trench coat and just wanted to use you as a cover to see an R rated movie.”
As a dude who has said it before, sometimes you really do feel like you’re ready after healing/working on yourself, only to realize you do need a little more time to better yourself, BUT when I have said “I’m coming to realize I’m not ready for a relationship “, I follow it with “I wish you luck and I’m sure you’ll find someone better suited for you”. It’s a red flag for sure when they say “I still want to keep seeing you tho” cause that’s literally just tryna get the benefits of a relationship without committing. Some guys do mean it when they say they aren’t ready and want to better themselves.
As for people that straight up are not a good match for me, I will say “you know what, I don’t see this working out or being sustainable. I’m sorry, but I wish you luck and hopefully you find someone better suited for you”.
When men have truly worked on themselves, they’re gonna be straight forward in what they mean and stand by it. This is coming a 28 year old male who’s recently got back out there after a 2 year break from dating. You’ll also find that if the guy is serious about himself, he’s not gonna be sleeping around/talking to multiple women at once.