I (F24) have been with my partner (M27) for 5 years, and I’m really struggling with his weed use. He smokes every day, multiple times a day. This has happened before where he did cut back but it’s constant again.
The hardest part is that I don’t feel like I can talk to him about it. Whenever I try, he thinks I’m picking a fight, gets defensive, or just shuts down. He avoids harder conversations altogether, and on the flip side, when I do manage to talk to him, he often doesn’t remember what we discussed or I have to repeat myself over and over. It makes me feel like nothing ever sticks. It’s also changing the way he treats me. When he’s sober, he’s broody, distant, and sometimes mean. He doesn’t talk much or show me affection. But when he’s high, he’s much nicer, more affectionate, and it feels like he actually loves me. I’ve started waiting until he’s high to have any meaningful conversations because that’s when he’s more open.
The problem is, everything feels temporary because it only happens when he’s high. When he comes down, it’s like I don’t matter again. It hurts that the version of him that feels loving toward me only exists when he’s using.
I don’t know how to approach this without it turning into another fight or if I should even stay in a relationship where I feel second to weed. Has anyone been through something similar or have advice on how to handle this?
TL;DR: Been with my partner 5 years. His daily weed use makes him distant when sober and affectionate only when high.