F23 overwhelmed by long-term friend’s criticism…how do I handle this?
I (F23) have chronic back pain and have been focusing on taking care of myself. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been updating a close friend (F26, friend for 8 years) on my diagnosis. I’ll admit that I message her often, and maybe I’ve shared too much …that’s on me.
I vent sometimes, but she’s interpreted it as constant complaining. We had an argument over it a while ago, but we talked it through and agreed to move on.
Recently, I’ve been trying to meet up in person, but she sent me a long message saying, essentially: she feels disappointed and hurt, thinking our friendship mostly revolves around me sharing problems while she listens. She wants a more balanced dynamic where both of us can give feedback, grow, and support each other without taking things personally.
I agree with her points, but she also said she “has no time for my BS and complaining” and that she thinks I only want her as a friend so I have someone to vent to. I feel that’s unfair because I genuinely want her friendship and I try not to repeat myself or unload excessively. I’ve reflected a lot on this, but now I’m questioning where venting ends and “complaining” begins. I even asked her previously how I complained so I could watch out for it, but now she says she didn’t like my response.
I replied to her message with “no worries, we can catch up another time,” because I felt like she just wanted a reaction. I’m overwhelmed and I really want to continue our friendship, but I don’t know if I should leave it here or send her something like this:
Hey,
Thanks for sharing how you feel. I understand that you’re disappointed and I’m sorry it’s caused you hurt. I really value our friendship, but right now I need it to be a space where there’s kindness and understanding, rather than feeling pushed or judged.
I hope we can respect each other’s needs and if so, I’d love to continue being friends. If not, I might need a little space for now.
I hope you can understand where I’m coming from.
Reddit, how would you handle this? Do I leave it or send a message like the one above?