Hello, it's my first post on reddit so I'll try my best.
In December I'll (17M) be turning 18. My mother (55F) absolutely wants to make something special, like inviting a lot of people of the family, including people I barely know. We wanted to do that at my father's (59M) place; he has a big house and we did events like this plenty of times so there's no problem with that. The thing is my parents have been divorced for 14 years, and my father and his girlfriend don't want my mother in their home.
My mother is very impulsive and emotional, fights happened multiple times in front of my step-mother that ended up in me crying, trying to drag her outside. Also she has pretty extreme beliefs that makes that basically all the family, including her side, stopped talking to her.
My father is okay to do my birthday at his place but he doesn't want my mother here. I can understand, but I feel bad for her. She doesn't know yet, she contacted people and friends, told them the date, while my father tells me "no, we won't do it that day".
Personnally, I didn't even want to celebrate my birthday in the first place but they insist. I just want a casual thing with my siblings and that's it. I don't know what to do, my mother is planning everyting on her own, my father isn't telling her he doesn't want her here, and I don't know how to tell her. Also, I don't want the aunts and grandmas I saw twice in my life, I know it's a "big event" but the less people the better for me, and since my mother has already invited them, I don't know what to do.
TL;DR: my mother is planning my birthday on her own, she contacted family and friends, we're supposed to do this at my father's place but he didn't tell her he doesn't want her here. Also I don't want all these family members I barely know, what should I do?