Me (21F) and I have been with my boyfriend (21M) for almost 3 years. He is my first boyfriend and my first everything. We have a long-distance relationship (approximately 300 km), but we see each other at least a few days every month. Emotionally, our relationship is beautiful. He is affectionate, attentive, he spoils me in everything and he really is the type of person I always dreamed of having by my side.
The problem is in the sexual sphere. From the beginning I have felt some dissatisfaction, but lately it has become more evident. Sex ends when he ends. If I ask him to continue, he does, but with little energy, no passion or commitment, and that frustrates me.
I feel like we have very different levels of sexual desire: he has a moderate libido and I have a high one. Sometimes I want to be intimate or try new things, but he doesn't seem to have the same interest. There comes a point where it's hard for me to enjoy, because subconsciously I know that I probably won't feel satisfied.
I also want to mention that I have ADHD, and I know that this greatly influences my way of experiencing sexuality. I have a hard time staying focused, I get distracted easily, and sometimes I need more stimulation or novelty to stay interested or feel connected. I don't say this as an excuse, but because I think it also influences why I feel so much lack of energy or enthusiasm in those moments.
I also have a small mental block that prevents me from reaching orgasm, so I'm not looking for “perfect sex,” just more connection and shared energy. But lately I almost have no desire for him, and not because I don't want him, but because my mind associates sex with frustration.
I don't want to be unfaithful or look for someone else, but I have surprised myself imagining what it would be like to be with someone with whom I have more sexual chemistry. Not because of a lack of love, but because of a need to feel stimulated and desired.
I love him deeply, and otherwise our relationship is stable and happy. But it's getting more and more difficult for me to ignore that, sexually, something doesn't fit. I don't know if this is something that can be worked on with communication alone (we've talked about this several times), but I don't want to give up.
Has anyone gone through something similar?
– How can you improve your sex life when you have ADHD or a different level of desire than your partner?
– Specific advice or tips to improve intimacy and reconnect desire without damaging the relationship?
TL;DR:
I'm 21 years old and I'm in a long-distance relationship with my first boyfriend for almost 3 years. I love him and emotionally everything is going well, but the lack of sexual chemistry frustrates me. He has a low libido, I have a high one, and I feel like we don't share the same enthusiasm for intimacy. I have ADHD, which also influences how I experience sex. I don't want to end the relationship, but I need advice to improve the sexual connection without damaging what we have.