Wife tells me we are roomates. And we will divorce.
So, why did you stop sleeping with your wife?
Why did you stop sleeping with your husband?
My answer is simple – she seem not to like it. I was bored of begging all over. So, with time, I quit.
43 comments
Time for therapy.
[deleted]
Because I was diagnosed with an aggressive group 2 prostate cancer that had to be removed immediately, a little over one year ago.
Sadly, the cancer surgery and treatment left me completely impotent, albeit now cancer free. My wife insists that we indulged in far more than our fair share ever since middle school almost fifty years ago, and it was bound to peter out eventually anyway.
That may all be true, but I still miss those special times with her.
Planned hotel sex set our sex life on fire after a dead bedroom phase.
It’s important to mention that our actual relationship was absolutely rock solid even during the dead bedroom phase. We truly are best friends and love each other’s company.
Today, we are best friends who do kinky stuff together.
If the answer is always no, eventually you stop asking.
You never beg. They lose respect for you when you do that.
Don’t bother chasing someone that doesn’t want to be kept. Work on yourself, if she chooses to leave, you’ll be stronger on the other side.
My husband hasn’t. We are temporarily on a break because I broke my foot and have been non weight bearing and since our schedule is wonky, it hasn’t worked out. But he definitely has not stopped. I believe people need to communicate better, especially when it comes to sex. I think a conversation needs to happen between you two.
Simple, after many years of being rejected I got tired of trying.
It’s not that i stopped. It just seemed like she didn’t want it anymore. Now i wonder if she ever really did.
I’m never going to be a chore for her. It’s been 2 years now. I’d rather pretend to be okay with that then have her pretend to want me.
I stopped sleeping with my husband because he doesn’t care about making sure I enjoy it. He used to, but after a series of emotional affairs (I’ve done the sleuthing to know they are not physical affairs) he just doesn’t seem invested in my needs anymore
And the way I look at it is: you don’t get to jam yourself painfully into my body unless I get something out of it too
With my first husband, I stopped sleeping with him temporarily for a different reason: I was overworked! And exhausted! And I began to be resentful. We both worked full-time and then I would come home and take care of the house and our baby son and all of his community commitments (funny how he made the commitments but I was the one to carry them out). Then we realize we needed to change things or else I was never gonna have the energy or the desire for sex. Our marriage ended because he was abusive, but at least we figured that one thing out
I think my OH stops sex as punishment because he knows my love language is touch so he becomes totally distant and sleeps in the lounge. It feels like he does it to hurt me. It works.
This is a lot to unpack. I love my husband and hope to spend the rest of my life with him whether or not we still have sex.
Having said that… I love good sex and love kinky sex even more. But… I don’t enjoy sex with my husband.
His kink and mine are not compatible. He is into ‘lactation’ (I am 61 and just not going there) and I am into submission (in the bedroom only) and he just isn’t into that.
He jerks off several times a day to porn and had done this since long before we met. We have been together 21 years now. I was always aware and never thought it would be a problem. Until I learned that he just doesn’t get off during PIV sex. He is like the energizer bunny and will keep going and going until we are both raw. Then he has to finish on his own by hand (pun intended). There is no intimacy anymore. And foreplay is just getting right to it. I simply don’t enjoy this at all.
I have brought up the lack of intimacy many times. Crickets. So I stopped initiating years ago. I don’t often turn him down when he does because then he complains and will throw it in my face at random times and I just don’t want to deal with that. 🤷🏻♀️
I know it’s up to me to keep communicating about this but I’m tired of it always falling on me.
Sex just isn’t that important to me and cheating is just not something I would ever contemplate (it solves nothing and is just wrong).
If he ever decides what he gets isn’t enough and wants out rather than talking about it and solving the problems, then there is the door. I will miss him but I can’t be the only one trying to make things better.
That’s where we are now. Two weeks no sex. The norm is coming to 2-3 weeks before one night of sex. I’ve tried different things and nothing.
Because she doesn’t desire me.
No matter the things I work on in our relationship, the goal posts move.
Sounds like your wife did suicide by cop.
My ex is an alcoholic and smoker. I’m allergic to tobacco. He didn’t smoke until after we married. He always had a low sex drive, maybe twice a month. After our daughter was born, he did nothing to help with her. Never changed a diaper, helped with bedtime, etc. Thanks to him drinking till he passed out, his snoring was unbearable. I moved into the guest room. I stayed too long, till daughter was grown.
With my exhusband it felt like the only time he wanted to spend time with me is when we had sex.
I never said no because he had a tantrum if I said no . I stopped enjoying it and it became a chore .
Anything I wanted was too vanilla for him . He loved to call me prude until I did whatever he wanted
She stopped participating really. She very rarely initiated but she always participated. The last several times she just laid there like a sex doll, motionless. Even post coital spooning she just laid there like a pillow so I eventually stopped doing that. I voiced my opinion on things and she didnt care. So now I sleep in a spare bedroom regretting ever having met, dated, and marrying her. Because now in a divorce id lose my pension, saving and house none of which she ever served, worked for or contributed to.
My husband’s low sex drive is because of a medial issue. He has ED because it’s the side effect of his meds. It keeps him alive, killed the bedroom. We are still affectionate and very much in love. I can’t wait for my libido to die. Sometimes I just wish that I can very quickly and unemotionally outsource sex without repercussions on the marriage.
Because she was always drunk, and who wants to have sloppy sex with the drunk chick all the time?
[deleted]
Stopped sleeping with my husband after catching him “trying” emphasis on trying because all these women would reject him, which makes it even sadder lol . But I have no interest in sleeping with someone who’s disrespectful . Marriage is based on a foundation of mutual respect . He made it clear he didn’t respect me so I stopped respecting him. It’s a two-way street. I would like to end the marriage but it’s clear he won’t let that happen because he’s a narcissist. Even offered an open marriage but once again because he’s a narcissist he doesn’t want the door open for me.
Yes after sleeping in different rooms for a decade me and my wife have found each other again!!! We upped our communication and starting having normal day to day conversations about all the kinky stuff that turns us in!!!! Kind of goofy but even the people around our life that we found attractive lol. I was shocked at my wife’s sexual appetite!!!! And I am enjoying every minute of it. Hotel sex is a good place to start!! Say the things you think, stop keeping them to yourself!!! He or she will be sexually charged by the thought of anything that turns you on!!!! My wife actually told me she never thought she could feel this way again with me!!!!! She thought she would have to move on and meet someone else to have these feelings again!
Op your answer is my answer. I’m not some dog off the streets begging for table scraps.
Because she started sleeping with someone else.
She refused to help with virtually anything around the house. We both worked full time. I did the grocery shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the dishes, cleaned the litter boxes, picked up the dog poop, made the bill payments, did any fixing needed around the house, fixed the cars and changed the oil and other fluids. I mowed and weed whipped the lawn, shoveled the snow, snow blowed the driveway. Any deep cleaning was done by me as well. You name it, I did it. If I asked her to do something she’d say I’ll do it later, and of course she never did, so asking became asking to do it right now, and then it’d be an argument. The only thing I could ever get her to do, occasionally, was laundry, and even that she’d wash and put in the dryer but leave them in the dryer and never take them out. I did literally everything and got no help. Meanwhile this whole time she’s hounding me to have kids and I’ve come to the realization that I’ve married the wrong woman and I could never have kids with this person, so I didn’t. Eventually after years of me waiting for her to change, and her waiting for me to have kids with her she said she wanted a separation. Now we’re divorced.
Well when she cuts off sex and all other forms of intimacy you either life with it or leave.
When fooreplay doesnt workk:.: dunno
I snore like a tractor fighting a chainsaw. Even with earplugs, she wakes up exhausted. I’ll often sleep on the couch. We are intimate a number of times a year.
Here for the answers.
My wife couldn’t get enough of me – literally – when we were dating. Everything shifted when we got engaged. It’s strange when you look at how things played out in hindsight. I was given 1000 excuses why things changed.
I decided to stop when I found out, yet again, mine was not the only penis in our marriage.
Every touch or hug is a contract for sex. I don’t get nonsexual intimacy. And I if do it’s a 5 minute head rub. No cuddle or tenderness afterward. I feel used so I avoid him. And yes I’ve communicated my needs. Apparently I’m not interesting enough to receive love and affection but I’m interesting enough for him to fuck.
Tired of being rejected by my husband
Emotionally unattached…
It is the constant life long effort to woo her forever and then the foreplay. After kids it’s the planning, all this is just not worth the effort when she doesn’t really like it enough to try to lead things herself and then she is so dang touchy, not there not like that, to fast to slow…
Etc. etc. etc.
I’m so confused by the responses to this post. You have a dead bedroom and then you got divorced and then you started having sex?
Keep bringing up emotional connection. But would never have a meaningful conversation apart from accusations. No matter hard how hard you try, nothing is enough. & being physical is always a chore. No matter how much attention you give, it’s never enough. Doing things together can only create a connection if the other person appreciates that.
she wouldn’t let me
I had an small surgery done at my penis. At first we had to take a break for it to heal. When I was ready again I felt sometimes pain/pulling during sex. I think this made it difficult for me to get in the mood. Since the surgery I noticed a significant reduction in how often I got in the mood for sex. I think we had sex once a month.
I feel bad because my wife really tried to turn me on and I always felt terrible when I noticed she was horny but I wasn’t. She didn’t like oral or finger play. She never said she felt like a roommate but I can understand if she felt like that and never told me. Now we are divorced. Not feeling wanted by me might have been one reason.
I barely get any. In my case I think it’s her perimenopause. My wife has the most severe syptoms of it. I’m just hoping that when she comes out of it, that spark comes back.
She kept bringing our baby into our room to sleep. I didn’t want to crush or wake her.
Because she scold me, and I am not happy
No one wants to have sex with someone who hurts them
43 comments
Time for therapy.
[deleted]
Because I was diagnosed with an aggressive group 2 prostate cancer that had to be removed immediately, a little over one year ago.
Sadly, the cancer surgery and treatment left me completely impotent, albeit now cancer free. My wife insists that we indulged in far more than our fair share ever since middle school almost fifty years ago, and it was bound to peter out eventually anyway.
That may all be true, but I still miss those special times with her.
Planned hotel sex set our sex life on fire after a dead bedroom phase.
It’s important to mention that our actual relationship was absolutely rock solid even during the dead bedroom phase. We truly are best friends and love each other’s company.
Today, we are best friends who do kinky stuff together.
If the answer is always no, eventually you stop asking.
You never beg. They lose respect for you when you do that.
Don’t bother chasing someone that doesn’t want to be kept. Work on yourself, if she chooses to leave, you’ll be stronger on the other side.
My husband hasn’t. We are temporarily on a break because I broke my foot and have been non weight bearing and since our schedule is wonky, it hasn’t worked out. But he definitely has not stopped. I believe people need to communicate better, especially when it comes to sex. I think a conversation needs to happen between you two.
Simple, after many years of being rejected I got tired of trying.
It’s not that i stopped. It just seemed like she didn’t want it anymore. Now i wonder if she ever really did.
I’m never going to be a chore for her. It’s been 2 years now. I’d rather pretend to be okay with that then have her pretend to want me.
I stopped sleeping with my husband because he doesn’t care about making sure I enjoy it. He used to, but after a series of emotional affairs (I’ve done the sleuthing to know they are not physical affairs) he just doesn’t seem invested in my needs anymore
And the way I look at it is: you don’t get to jam yourself painfully into my body unless I get something out of it too
With my first husband, I stopped sleeping with him temporarily for a different reason: I was overworked! And exhausted! And I began to be resentful. We both worked full-time and then I would come home and take care of the house and our baby son and all of his community commitments (funny how he made the commitments but I was the one to carry them out). Then we realize we needed to change things or else I was never gonna have the energy or the desire for sex. Our marriage ended because he was abusive, but at least we figured that one thing out
I think my OH stops sex as punishment because he knows my love language is touch so he becomes totally distant and sleeps in the lounge. It feels like he does it to hurt me. It works.
This is a lot to unpack. I love my husband and hope to spend the rest of my life with him whether or not we still have sex.
Having said that… I love good sex and love kinky sex even more. But… I don’t enjoy sex with my husband.
His kink and mine are not compatible. He is into ‘lactation’ (I am 61 and just not going there) and I am into submission (in the bedroom only) and he just isn’t into that.
He jerks off several times a day to porn and had done this since long before we met. We have been together 21 years now. I was always aware and never thought it would be a problem. Until I learned that he just doesn’t get off during PIV sex. He is like the energizer bunny and will keep going and going until we are both raw. Then he has to finish on his own by hand (pun intended). There is no intimacy anymore. And foreplay is just getting right to it. I simply don’t enjoy this at all.
I have brought up the lack of intimacy many times. Crickets. So I stopped initiating years ago. I don’t often turn him down when he does because then he complains and will throw it in my face at random times and I just don’t want to deal with that. 🤷🏻♀️
I know it’s up to me to keep communicating about this but I’m tired of it always falling on me.
Sex just isn’t that important to me and cheating is just not something I would ever contemplate (it solves nothing and is just wrong).
If he ever decides what he gets isn’t enough and wants out rather than talking about it and solving the problems, then there is the door. I will miss him but I can’t be the only one trying to make things better.
That’s where we are now. Two weeks no sex. The norm is coming to 2-3 weeks before one night of sex. I’ve tried different things and nothing.
Because she doesn’t desire me.
No matter the things I work on in our relationship, the goal posts move.
Sounds like your wife did suicide by cop.
My ex is an alcoholic and smoker. I’m allergic to tobacco. He didn’t smoke until after we married. He always had a low sex drive, maybe twice a month. After our daughter was born, he did nothing to help with her. Never changed a diaper, helped with bedtime, etc. Thanks to him drinking till he passed out, his snoring was unbearable. I moved into the guest room. I stayed too long, till daughter was grown.
With my exhusband it felt like the only time he wanted to spend time with me is when we had sex.
I never said no because he had a tantrum if I said no . I stopped enjoying it and it became a chore .
Anything I wanted was too vanilla for him . He loved to call me prude until I did whatever he wanted
She stopped participating really. She very rarely initiated but she always participated. The last several times she just laid there like a sex doll, motionless. Even post coital spooning she just laid there like a pillow so I eventually stopped doing that. I voiced my opinion on things and she didnt care. So now I sleep in a spare bedroom regretting ever having met, dated, and marrying her. Because now in a divorce id lose my pension, saving and house none of which she ever served, worked for or contributed to.
My husband’s low sex drive is because of a medial issue. He has ED because it’s the side effect of his meds. It keeps him alive, killed the bedroom. We are still affectionate and very much in love. I can’t wait for my libido to die. Sometimes I just wish that I can very quickly and unemotionally outsource sex without repercussions on the marriage.
Because she was always drunk, and who wants to have sloppy sex with the drunk chick all the time?
[deleted]
Stopped sleeping with my husband after catching him “trying” emphasis on trying because all these women would reject him, which makes it even sadder lol . But I have no interest in sleeping with someone who’s disrespectful . Marriage is based on a foundation of mutual respect . He made it clear he didn’t respect me so I stopped respecting him. It’s a two-way street. I would like to end the marriage but it’s clear he won’t let that happen because he’s a narcissist. Even offered an open marriage but once again because he’s a narcissist he doesn’t want the door open for me.
Yes after sleeping in different rooms for a decade me and my wife have found each other again!!! We upped our communication and starting having normal day to day conversations about all the kinky stuff that turns us in!!!! Kind of goofy but even the people around our life that we found attractive lol. I was shocked at my wife’s sexual appetite!!!! And I am enjoying every minute of it. Hotel sex is a good place to start!! Say the things you think, stop keeping them to yourself!!! He or she will be sexually charged by the thought of anything that turns you on!!!! My wife actually told me she never thought she could feel this way again with me!!!!! She thought she would have to move on and meet someone else to have these feelings again!
Op your answer is my answer. I’m not some dog off the streets begging for table scraps.
Because she started sleeping with someone else.
She refused to help with virtually anything around the house. We both worked full time. I did the grocery shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the dishes, cleaned the litter boxes, picked up the dog poop, made the bill payments, did any fixing needed around the house, fixed the cars and changed the oil and other fluids. I mowed and weed whipped the lawn, shoveled the snow, snow blowed the driveway. Any deep cleaning was done by me as well. You name it, I did it. If I asked her to do something she’d say I’ll do it later, and of course she never did, so asking became asking to do it right now, and then it’d be an argument. The only thing I could ever get her to do, occasionally, was laundry, and even that she’d wash and put in the dryer but leave them in the dryer and never take them out. I did literally everything and got no help. Meanwhile this whole time she’s hounding me to have kids and I’ve come to the realization that I’ve married the wrong woman and I could never have kids with this person, so I didn’t. Eventually after years of me waiting for her to change, and her waiting for me to have kids with her she said she wanted a separation. Now we’re divorced.
Well when she cuts off sex and all other forms of intimacy you either life with it or leave.
When fooreplay doesnt workk:.: dunno
I snore like a tractor fighting a chainsaw. Even with earplugs, she wakes up exhausted. I’ll often sleep on the couch. We are intimate a number of times a year.
Here for the answers.
My wife couldn’t get enough of me – literally – when we were dating. Everything shifted when we got engaged. It’s strange when you look at how things played out in hindsight. I was given 1000 excuses why things changed.
I decided to stop when I found out, yet again, mine was not the only penis in our marriage.
Every touch or hug is a contract for sex. I don’t get nonsexual intimacy. And I if do it’s a 5 minute head rub. No cuddle or tenderness afterward. I feel used so I avoid him. And yes I’ve communicated my needs. Apparently I’m not interesting enough to receive love and affection but I’m interesting enough for him to fuck.
Tired of being rejected by my husband
Emotionally unattached…
It is the constant life long effort to woo her forever and then the foreplay. After kids it’s the planning, all this is just not worth the effort when she doesn’t really like it enough to try to lead things herself and then she is so dang touchy, not there not like that, to fast to slow…
Etc. etc. etc.
I’m so confused by the responses to this post. You have a dead bedroom and then you got divorced and then you started having sex?
Keep bringing up emotional connection. But would never have a meaningful conversation apart from accusations. No matter hard how hard you try, nothing is enough. & being physical is always a chore. No matter how much attention you give, it’s never enough. Doing things together can only create a connection if the other person appreciates that.
she wouldn’t let me
I had an small surgery done at my penis. At first we had to take a break for it to heal. When I was ready again I felt sometimes pain/pulling during sex. I think this made it difficult for me to get in the mood. Since the surgery I noticed a significant reduction in how often I got in the mood for sex. I think we had sex once a month.
I feel bad because my wife really tried to turn me on and I always felt terrible when I noticed she was horny but I wasn’t. She didn’t like oral or finger play. She never said she felt like a roommate but I can understand if she felt like that and never told me. Now we are divorced. Not feeling wanted by me might have been one reason.
I barely get any. In my case I think it’s her perimenopause. My wife has the most severe syptoms of it. I’m just hoping that when she comes out of it, that spark comes back.
She kept bringing our baby into our room to sleep. I didn’t want to crush or wake her.
Because she scold me, and I am not happy
No one wants to have sex with someone who hurts them