My bf (33M) has this pattern of turning the most emotionally sensitive parts of my life (33F) into insults when we argue. About a year and a half ago, I lost a family member who was basically my best friend. Their passing completely changed the dynamics in my family, a lot of relationships shifted after that, and it’s still something I struggle with.
I don’t have many close friends or people I really open up to, so my boyfriend (we’ve been together 13 years, no kids, not married) became the person I shared everything with, the good and the bad. But during arguments, he’s brought up things I told him in confidence about my grief or that person, and used them to hurt me.
It’s honestly been devastating. This was the first major, life-changing event I’ve gone through while being with him, and it’s made me question a lot about our relationship. He’s the only person I’ve ever dated, so I don’t really have any other frame of reference for what’s “normal” in long-term relationships.
I’m starting to wonder if I should set a boundary and stop sharing certain emotional things with him. Does anyone else deal with this in their relationships, where a partner uses really personal stuff against you in fights? And is there any advice anyone can give on how to handle this or what to do next?
TL;DR: My bf of 13 years uses deeply personal things I’ve shared, including grief over losing a close family member as insults during arguments. I don’t know if this is normal or if I should start setting boundaries about what I share. Looking for advice or perspective from others who’ve experienced something similar.