Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 3 years now. I love her a lot but I kinda feel lost right now. I feel like these last couple months I’ve been so horny, and me and my partner have been having almost no sex. I think the last time we did something was like almost 24 days ago I initiated because she never does but when we had sex she just didn’t look into it, so I instantly got soft. I just can’t be aroused if my partner isn’t aswell or seems like she doesn’t want it. Every time I ask her if she wants to she says yeah but I just can’t shake the feeling that she never did. We used to have a lot of sex when we first dated like I’d come over and first thing was sex, we’d fuck for like hours at a time sometimes up to 4-5 hours, and we’d just lay after that and stare into each others eye and just talk and laugh for hours.
Then months later it slowed down more which we still had sex frequently but then, It started being me only initiating for months and i honestly just felt so conflicted with myself. I would ask myself does she not like me anymore, am i not enough?
Then I finally communicated it to her how I felt my intention wasn’t to make her feel bad but I was just curious about how she was feeling, and to please do not feel obligated to have sex with me or force yourself too because of our conversation. She reassured me that she loves me a lot and that she will do her best to initiate more because she does want to have sex with me.
Things were great again for a month and then back to the same spot. It was just me initiating again till I just stopped because I just stopped feeling it, I just felt so I don’t know lost.
I try really hard to initiate but I just don’t feel like it anymore it feels like rejection every time. Until the one time she does want it and I just tend to go soft like 5 minutes after because I cloud my head that she isn’t enjoying herself. Kinda lost confidence in myself in bed. I had a couple more conversations with her, but it’s been like half a year where I just stopped trying.
I’ve been on porn lately cus I just feel so fucking confused right now, and I feel awful when i jerk off because i feel guilty. I even stare at more women at my job, and I fucking hate myself for that. I know I will never do anything to cross boundaries, but I just feel so lost rn I know I’m making it feel like it’s only about sex but it’s not I love her so much she literally means the world to me I have so many fun memories with her, and I love going on adventures with her, movie nights every Tuesday, dinners every Wednesdays. That’s why I feel so conflicted I just want to go back to how we were so into each other. I just feel awful I don’t know what to say because I don’t want to make her feel bad for it or hurt her feelings.