( Sorry if its messy, english isnt my first language )
I (21F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for almost a year now. We started as a long distance and we still are long distance (only 2.5hrs away from each other) but we try to meet once a month for a few days. We have been having some issues lately.
He met a girl in his internship, let’s call her D, that he told me they get along well. But the only thing he told me about her and the other girls he met there is that they have a “work relationship”, only professional. When his internship was about to end, he said he might go out for a drink with D, cause she wanted to say goodbye to him. She was leaving for the summer to work. That was really weird for me and I truly believe that you have no right to do something like that for someone you know only for two months and you had a “work relationship” with. Apparently he was getting close with her, more than the work thing.
I was not okay with him going and I told him that. He also told D that she can text him whenever she wants, which I also found weird. We agreed that he will not go but if he wants to continue having her as a friend that I wanted to meet her. He was okay with that.
After a while, his internship ended and they had a dinner with all the people he worked with. Side note, his internship was in a school, the dinner was for the teachers but they also invited the interns. There were three girls and my boyfriend. The two girls couldn’t go to the dinner, only my boyfriend and D would go. After that dinner he told her to never text him again cause his girlfriend was not okay with it. That’s what he told her.
The summer passes, after he told me what happened I didn’t bring it up again. August 15th was his name day, that girl messaged him. He replied. And they continued talking until September 11th. The whole time they were messaging he didn’t tell me anything. And I didn’t even consider that he might be talking with her behind my back.
September 11th he comes to visit me. We spend 5 days together. September 15th, the day he was going to leave, I noticed him being overprotective with his phone, panicking when I took it to take pictures, taking it with him when he went to the bathroom etc. I told him I feel like he is hiding something and also mentioned the reasons. He said that he isn’t hiding anything, that it’s all in my head and he laid his head on my shoulder saying he felt dizzy.
About one and a half hour before his bus left, we sat at a coffee shop near the bus station. He told me “I have to tell you something.” And after that phrase I felt my heart drop. He said that D texted him happy name day and he said thanks and then she took the excuse to keep texting him and she sent about a book shop that closed. He told me I can check. I took his phone and saw way more messages than what he told me.
I started crying, I felt betrayed. I felt broken. After a lot of crying from both of us he said he won’t reply to her again. But my trust broke. The first few days he seemed understanding — saying sorry and that he wants to fix this together. After a while though I was to blame for holding on to the past and not moving on.
I wanted to ask him everyday if she texted him but after a few days he said it hurts him so I stopped doing that. It still hurts, I don’t trust him anymore the way I trusted him and every time I ask him if he talked with any of his girl friends or if when he goes out if there’s going to be a girl there, he attacks me.
Today he told me that he and one of his friends from uni are going for coffee. I asked him if there is going to be just the two of them and he said “great, talk to you in an hour.” He made me feel like the worst person for asking such a simple question and then he said that next time he will make sure to have other company, meaning he will go out with his girl friend. Which felt like revenge.
TL;DR:
My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. He got close with a girl (D) during his internship, said it was just work-related, but later texted her behind my back after promising not to. When I found out, I felt betrayed and lost trust. Now, whenever I ask simple questions about who he’s with, he gets defensive or turns it around on me, making me feel guilty — even though I’m still hurt and struggling to trust him again.