TL;DR
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, he is my best friend and everything is great but we almost never have sex. He shows literal to no interest in it. He says that I'm pretty, beautiful etc. We cuddle and kiss and are intimate but he has 0 interest in sex even if I initiate. We have discussed it somewhat and he's insistent that he is attracted to me and loves having sex with me but he never seeks it out or responds when I try. Are we just incompatible? I'd hate to lose out on being with the guy of my dreams but I just miss being desired.


5 comments

  1. Yes, if you value sex. Sounds me like he just doesn’t value sex in general. Ask yourself at 29 do you really want to go the rest of your life with a sex life like this? I know I wouldn’t

  2. He loves having sex with you but never seeks it out or responds when you try – this is a big red flag. I think, this is not about you being pretty or attractive or love. I doubt his libido or sexual orientation. If he is having low libido, then he should address it. Is he physically and mentally healthy or going through a lot of stress etc.?

  3. Certainly sounds like you are incompatible. You want sex, he doesn’t. Doesn’t get much more fundamental than that.

    At this stage though, five years in, you still don’t know why… Normally, I’m not a big believer is chasing the why, but after five years I would understand it if you were reluctant to just walk away.

    If you do want to try and fight for the relationship, its time to take this seriously. WHY doesn’t he want sex with you? Is he gay? Does he have a medical issue (low testosterone)? Has he suffered sexual trauma in the past? Is he cheating on you? It is worth finding out what’s going on IF you plan to work on it with him.

    End of the day (as someone in a low sex marriage) this problem needs HIM to want it to get better.

  4. >I’d hate to lose out on being with the guy of my dreams 

    Is the “guy of your dreams” someone who *never wants to have sex with you*? Maybe for some people it is, but it isn’t for most people, and since you’re posting this we can safely say it isn’t for you, either.

  5. As a shock treatment tell him you are going to start having sex outside, but everything else will stay the same in the relationship. See how he reacts

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