This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Why the fuck do people not disclose their relationship status?
I met a woman on a hike a few weeks ago and we really hit it off the whole time. Same sense of humour, similar spot in life, etc. We talked for hours, and I tried to low key see if they had a partner (oh you went to Spain? Whod you go with? What do you normally do on weekends? etc)
Added me to insta, didn’t see their partner on any recent photos, kept chatting for a while back and forth, lots of chemistry imo.
I bumped in to her randomly at a party on Friday because it turned out we both knew the hosts, she was with her fucking FIANCE. She also didn’t seem down to chat much (obviously.)
Why? Why talk to me for weeks and get my hopes up? Why not mention you’re ENGAGED when chatting with a dude you met for weeks?
Sorry, it’s just so frustrating dating/trying to meet people. All the good ones are taken it seems.
How do you not get discouraged by the constant rejection in person and on the apps? I get it, I am not the most handsome man out there (very effeminate looking and thin) but the constant rejection is hard. Feels like most people aren’t willing to give me a shot even though I have slowly dropped many of my filters over the years.
I try not to take it personally and I generally don’t, but I sometimes feel like if this is the universe telling me my genes aren’t good enough to pass on or something.
I’m still going through recovery after a long 8 days at the hospital. Waiting to see if the mass I have is canaries or not. I’m taking it in stride though.
2025 has ultimately sucked for me. First, I become diabetic (T2 and way more controlled than the start). And now this? I had a mass removed from my back that was causing chronic pain down my left arm and other parts. I now have that gone, and the doctors had mentioned that if they cut the rest of it out, I would likely lose control and feel in my left arm.
It just really sucks looking around. And I’m not trying to compare where I am in my life to others, but I can’t help it. My group of friends did are all married, have houses, have such stable jobs with good money.
I’m taking L after L this year, and I just want it stop. When’s my turn for the W?
My closest friend has done so much musically now. He’s in 3 bands, has a gf now (though idk about that because it’s his ex’s friend 🤣) And I’m so happy for him don’t get me wrong, but I can’t even play my guitar anymore at the moment. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to anymore after all this.
I hope 2026 is better. And I’m focused on recovery at the moment. I don’t have time for a relationship or any of those external things for the time being. I have my family and friends. But still 🙁
How do you make space for each other in your lives?
My preferred morning routine is wake up at 6.30, go to the gym, and then start work. In the evenings, I prefer to sleep by 10 so I start my evening activities early.
But he’s a night owl who needs less sleep than I do, so the nights we see each other, I usually stay up later and wake up later the next morning, which throws off my sleep schedule a bit. I have depression and ADHD so I do well on routine and regular exercise.
How do I balance this? How do I fit in seeing my friends (I have a big social circle) with seeing him too?
How quickly do you unmatch someone when they dont ask you any questions? It just feels so selfish to me… honey you’re not that interesting. None of us are tbh lol. That’s what makes a conversation interesting… asking questions 🤣
Moving in with my bf at the end of this month. We’ve been dating 1.5 years and have basically spent every night together since 2-3 months into our relationship. But the last time I did this with someone it was an awful experience and I can’t help but be a little nervous about things. I love him and can totally see myself marrying him but I’m still nervous! Agh. I think this is my past trauma creeping in. Please remind me some nerves are normal and it’s ok!
What are we all doing for dates? Most impressive one you’ve gone on? Best one you yourself planned? Need ideas, live in a major US city.
So therapy’s been wild in a good way today. I’ve always felt like I’m dating on expert difficulty because something about me is different from how most people go about all this. Today I finally learned I wasn’t wrong. *I finally know why.*
I’m on the asexual spectrum. After reading up some more **I strongly identify** with both **demiromanticism** and **demisexuality**.
I’m still straight but in a nutshell:
* I don’t experience primary attraction (sexual/romantic attraction based on physical appearance/traits).
* I only experience secondary attraction which may come after an emotional bond (like friendship) is formed. (once formed, it’s not guaranteed to grow into romantic/sexual desire. I have close female friends I adore, but aren’t romantically/sexually attracted to. It’s just that without that bond present, I will feel nothing special towards someone.)
* For me, a bond that’s strong enough for feelings/attraction to grow develops over the course of 3 to 6 months give or take. The amount of time this takes is directly correlated with the amount of vulnerable moments with women I have. The deeper and more vulnerable topics we talk about, the quicker this bond forms.
* I don’t fall fast but if I do I fall very hard and very deep. It’s super intense for me. This won’t happen without that bond in place first. In my case this does occasionally happen with emotional bonds that form online too.
Of course, I’ve posted several times about several women I think are cute. When I say a woman’s cute, I really mean ‘my first impression of her is solid’. And when I get excited about a woman, it’s because there’s mutual effort and reciprocity, which helps form the bond I need to potentially grow more.
I still need to process this for a bit but this has been an extremely enlightening revelation. This is definitely going to help my approach to dating going forward.
I’ve put dating on pause, for several reasons. But the #1 is just not being comfortable in my own skin.
I got off Wellbutrin back in Feb/March and gained 10-12 lbs as a result. I’m siting at around 140 and on a petite 5’4” frame… it unfortunately shows badly in my mid section. Having Hashimoto’s already makes weight management hard, but this has really fucked with my confidence. I was 130 pounds until June, and I feel my best at 125 truthfully.
Might go to the doc to make sure nothing else is up. But it’s rough. I can’t date right now when I feel this low about myself. I always considered myself at least somewhat above average attractiveness wise, but the weight gain has really dampered me. None do my clothes fit comfortably and half my jeans I can’t even wear right now.
Crazy part is I’m hella active. Weight lift 3 x a week and play co-ed vball 2 x a week. Just signed up for Pilates last Saturday to add that to the routine and I think I’m going to meet with a registered dietician. I am going to get back to my baseline.
Was getting coffee with a friend and there was a CRINGE worthy 1st date at the table right next to us. The date began with the woman commenting on how she is liking the cooler rainy weather, and the man called her dumb and started complaining about how he hates rain. He then was being a big ol negative ass the whole time and she valiantly tried to salvage the conversation, but alas she failed. RIP sister. (They left separately lol)
Reconsidering replying to the guy who I thought ghosted me. He ignored me for a week then texted like nothing happened starting a new conversation and never having replied to my last message—which was a reply to a conversation he initiated.
Part of me is saying no, a full week lag is a sign of disrespect and disinterest. But then part of me is like is a text delay really that serious of an offense? It’s just a silly phone I want to use less but also it does feel offensive when he isn’t trying to plan another date and just seems to text when convenient for him.
Or is there any world where his behavior is acceptable? lol again this feels kinda ridiculous to ask but just wanting to make sure… because ghosting isn’t typically something I do but I guess I am now in a way.
“How was your busy weekend?”
“Busy”
You can’t make this up 🤣
How would you go about reaching out to en ex that you had a very amicable B/U 2.5 years ago? I’ve since seen other people. Hours in therapy. New career. Feeling good in life. Just never stopped thinking about her. I split up up here due to her not being ready to commit to more.
I am early 30s F and I haven’t had much success dating online. I have a weird and goofy face that doesn’t scream sex appeal in pictures. Of the few guys I have met from online dating, they did seem interested in pursuing further but I just wasn’t attracted back.
I have, however, noticed that I am starting to get more attention from guys and girls in IRL situations, but they always seem to be situations where the stakes are high.
For example, in my local gym where we have around 70 members and are all tight knit or like one of my best friend’s close friends.
I have a rule that I won’t really date from my safe spaces (gym, work, important friendships) unless the chemistry and attraction is very high. I have commitment fears and very little experience in serious dating, so I don’t really want to get involved with someone I am not 100% sure of because I don’t want to mess them around and then create awkwardness in these dynamics.
Do you think I am being too cautious? With online dating being so difficult, I wonder if I should start experimenting more IRL even if I am not sure I am attracted to them?
I’ve started dropping more compliments on the guy I’ve been seeing, on things I assumed he knew: he smells amazing (he has a big cologne collection), his outfits are cute, on top of calling him cute and handsome more often (stuff that, as a neurodivergent guy, I kinda assumed was a given because obviously I’m attracted to him and want to date him). He gets a huge grin and starts blushing every time. I love it.
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Yeah I know all about it and def know how to treat a woman, all women! I’m a great guy whose very insightful and mindful of others wants and needs! It’s been tough but I’m very genuine with my pursuit!! Thanks for all the advice I appreciate it!
How do you stay away from dating apps when you need a break?
I’ve been trying to hit the dating world hard over the past year and just had a concert meet with a girl from hinge last Saturday followed by me getting ghosted by her on Sunday. Not too broken up, but I realize I need to step away for a couple of days to get back into the right headspace, but I keep randomly opening the app throughout the day. Anyone else deal with that?
I came across this persons profile who has rejected me more than a decade ago, I don’t know if I should send a like or not, I’m scared of second rejection, especially now he looks so well off.
What’s your process of elimination on dating apps?
Myself, I gauge whether I find them at least somewhat attractive (or that they’re *too* attractive lol), then I check their political affiliation & whether or not they have kids (no kids is important to me), lastly I read what they’ve written in prompts or on their profile and decide if I think we might get along.
I’m asking because almost every person who has liked me in the month or so has clearly not read what I’ve put in my profile. Lots of parents or people whose politics clash with mine. I’m just curious how other people make the decision on whether or not to try to connect with someone.
Would you cancel a first date over a cold sore? Thought it was going away, but it’s looking worse tonight and I’m supposed to have a date tomorrow. Obviously not planning on kissing and won’t go at all if it’s oozing. But if it’s just mildly red again by tomorrow, I’m debating. On one hand, I won’t have another free night for 9 days so rescheduling will be rough. On the other hand, I know there’s a lot of stigma and while I don’t think most people would consciously judge, it could definitely be a turn-off even if subconsciously.
It is I, the world’s most unfun person who got dragged to my first casino where I spent 5 bucks, got bored, and went to the bar to prep our next DnD session. I feel this explains a lot lol.
Wishing I had a loving partner to share accomplishments with. Sometimes I really need an enthusiastic hug.
Complication: guy I am interested in (and I believe is interested in me) is a leader in my recreational athletic club, and there’s a ‘this is not for dating’ rule within the club. Great rule – it exists to keep people from being made to feel uncomfortable.
I really like this activity and want to respect the rules. Plus I have zero experience dating and could have misread his interest and would not want to make an unwelcome approach that could make the space uncomfortable.
So wtf do you do if there is (apparent) mutual interest but to actually admit interest or suggest meeting up is against the rules?
Just told the girl I was seeing that I liked her but she said she doesn’t see things more than friendship 🙁 I’m so bummed. I felt we got along so well but I guess something was missing for her. I had said I’d like to stay friends because we get along so well and she agreed (this isn’t uncommon for lesbians). I really thought she was into me too. Spent 8 hours at her house the first time, and 20 hours the second time. She helped me move apartments.
Just laying in bed with music and crying. I’m glad I have clarity but it’s hard not to wonder what’s wrong with me that she doesn’t see anything more :/
I didn’t want to lose her as a friend so I’m glad at least she’d still like to do things together.
I got back on dating apps for a bit. I met a woman and really hit it off with her Saturday I think. We exchanged numbers and I asked if she wanted to do this again this weekend and she said yes. She hasn’t been texting me as frequently as on the dating app and my anxiety is acting up. I sent a text giving a date idea and she hasn’t gotten back to me since yesterday afternoon. Thinking about how she said she was busy this week, so I’m going to just leave it there for now and if she is interested she’ll respond. Anxiety sucks man.
Went out with someone last week, we got drinks at this nice cocktail place I’d never been to. Conversation was good, felt like the date went well overall. Messaged her on the app saying I enjoyed meeting up and down to hang out again, I gave her my number. Her response though was “I did too, that would be nice :),” no texting tho to my number…
Usually when people aren’t interested they are pretty straightforward, so can’t really tell since she still responded via the app vs texting which I feel is the natural progression… any thoughts on what to do next?😆
Is there a proper way for a guy to signal that he likes both cis women and trans women without sounding objectifying? Previously I didn’t say anything. But due to the tense political climate, I want to still show allyship in my own way. Maybe I could say my celebrity crushes are Emma Watson and Hunter Schafer?
Well, I finally found someone who sends longer messages than me.
To my fellow minorities in the thread; what’s been your experience having your ethnicity featured on your dating profile vs not?