TL;DR: How do you (politely) tell a person who clearly isn’t that interested in your friendship that it’s okay to move on?
I have a friend (well, maybe more like friendly acquaintance based on recent events) that I’ll call Jane. Jane and I have been friends for serval years, and we align on a lot of things, have similar values and interests, and have a great time when we hang out.
Last year, Jane and I planned to do a little weekend getaway at a local state park. We had a lot of it planned out and she seemed to be as enthusiastic about it as I was. However, about a month before the getaway, she said she didn’t think she could do it anymore because she had just gone on a two week vacation with her daughter out of the country and thought her husband’s feelings would be hurt if she left so soon again. Kind of a cop out in my opinion, but whatever. We tabled the trip.
She brings up the trip again this past summer and says “let’s do it!” Again, we plan and, sure enough, a few weeks before the trip she says this time of year is hard for her husband and she doesn’t think she can do any time away right now. Okay, fine. Since this is the second cancellation, this reads to me as she doesn’t really want to take a trip with me which is absolutely fine! The problem is she keeps reaching out telling me how much she misses me, but then immediately goes on to list all the reasons she can’t hang out or do anything right now. In the meantime, I’ve seen on social media and heard through other friends about her 2 week trip out to the west coast, brunches, get togethers, etc. and truly, this is all fine with me. Clearly we have different ideas of the level of friendship, and it’s okay if she actually just sees me as a casual friend. I’ve taken a step back, but Jane keeps on texting me. And it’s always the same “I miss you so much but can’t hang out and here are fifteen reasons why.” I’m exhausted. It’s fine if she doesn’t feel the friendship. I have other friends who have shown reciprocity that I want to put my energy into. My problem is how do I nicely tell Jane she can cut it out? I’ve tried kind texts that say things like “Wow, sounds like you have a busy schedule! No worries.” I’ve just “liked” the texts and provided no other response, but the messages still keep coming with the same sentiments and no attempt to actually get together. Is it appropriate to just ghost in this situation?