Hello! Sorry for a bit of a long text.
Me and my partner have a 1y old. I stay home with the baby, take care of the house, food, everything. He works and provides financially. He pays the bills. I also work 2-3 times a week, obviously I dont make as much as him, but everything I make I give to him. I buy 60% of food and all the cleaning supplies, stuff for the house etc. When he is home he never helps me with anything, he purposely acts messy and makes more work for me, he literally goes to pee on the shower floor instead of the toilet next to it, throws clean clothes on the floor, etc. Never changes the baby, never cleans, nothing.
I never ask him for expensive gifts because I dont care about the material. Only thing I ask is for munchies a few nights of the week. He tells me I am an ungrateful bitch and only ask him for stuff all the time. I give him a 1h full massage every fucking day, literally clean his shit from the toilet, I do everything for him. We have 2 big dogs, I walk, train, feed both alone. I literally act like a slave for him, he is so lazy. It is not a problem for me to do these things but honestly I feel like I deserve more respect. All he does is watch his stupid reels all day, doesnt give a shit when I talk to him, doesnt spend any time with me, nothing.
We are both professional athletes. Im a world level athlete and he is trying to make his way there too. He refuses to take the baby for even 30 minutes so I could go for a run, Im stuck in the house all day. I sacrificed my career and everything for this, the baby is not a problem, I love being a mom but I miss my career, I just thought I would have a partner to do this together with me.
He asks me what I want from the store, I tell him nothing, he tells me to stop to act stupid and tell him what I want, then the next day blame me for only asking stuff from him. I also get called a bitch, whore, lazy retard son a bitch who doesnt do anything every day while he is the one lusting online for others. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie.
His exucse is he pays the rent. "If you dont like it get the fuck out". We live in his country. I give him at least 15% of the rent every month from my money plus all the money I make goes to him. I told him since the beginning, if I am in a relationship I dont want it to be mine or yours, its ours. But now suddenly its HIS money. But thats literally all he does, pays the rent. I have paid thousands from my money to pay for his debts/tickets and stuff before. The job he has btw he has thanks to me and after I got pregnant he got my position as the head coach.
Am I really the ungrateful one? I literally act like a slave for him. I try my best to be good enough for him and I never am. He just keeps calling me names and treating me like trash, telling me everybody hates me and I am a worthless piece of shit. I literally dont ask him for ANYTHING but in his mind I am a gold digger. He got me a cup from dollar store for my birthday while I work days to make handmade stuff for him. I dont care about money, I just want to be loved and appreciated but he is making me feel so awful.
When I talk to him about it he laughs at me and makes fun of me, "Stfu dumb bitch, oh my god its so hard to take care of a baby 24/7, stfu and do your job, you dont do shit you just sit in the house all day". Mind you his job is not even hard, our job is literally doing what we love. I love being a mom and never complained, Im just trying to make him undestand the sacrifice I am making while his life continues to be the same. In his eyes I am just jealous of him.
Am I just being delusional? He is 100% narcissist and hits me sometimes, he makes me look like a crazy person in front of everyone. If it wasnt for my baby I would have killed myself a long time ago.
The amount of times Ive cried on the floor from his shit while he just laughs at me and goes to sleep while I cry while scrolling on reels is unreal. He says I am the one playing the victim.
I am just so hurt and broken by his words. Am I really being the ungrateful one? Im just really traditional about this, if I go to give my everything for him and our family, I dont want to be with someone who am I problem to. If I was a man it would be pleasure providing food and shelter for the person I love and my baby. Sometimes I dont eat in days just so he could eat ( Im breastfeeding ) and sometimes he gets angry when I touch some stuff he buys or "eat all the food" when I dont. Im sorry for the long text, I appreciate any advice!