TL;DR In a LDR relationship for 4 months now and 5 months of togetherness in total, We shifted to different cities around 2000 kms away from each other
It has been pointed out, i have many things that i need to improve in myself for our relationship for being a future partner material, I agree on it because i know it isnt healthy personally for me, I feel i am trying my best to be a better person, But i fail as it is too hard for me.
One of the situations is me crying in tough conversations, i dont know why i do that and i know i need to be composed. When i cry i spiral and lose composure, It takes a massive toll on my mind and i start overthinking on how could i do this again? She will not think i am worthy enough again, all my work towards not actively breaking down isnt working out at all. She says the right thing by instead of spiraling why dont see the plus side and the solution. She is right, I have had this way of thinking which i am trying to change which feels hard many times but i am willing to change no matter what. The more she says this when i screw up, the more i feel i am unworthy.
There are other reasons like i have been privileged and never even tried cooking, taking care of home appliances, groceries, I am learning all this now. One big one is she feels i dont trust her enough, i feel i forget some things that need to be told or didnt think it was important which i am truly regretting which really affected her and now has stopped believing in my words that i will work on myself and never give up on changing myself.
I feel the person i am, I am a great boyfriend, gifting her with stuff like gifts, food, groceries as i want her to feel she can rely on me and i love to do that! But I am not fit to be husband material, I know the things i need to do is to no matter what keep trying to be better but i fail so miserably it adds to my self worth crashing down. I know i should look for self worth and validation within myself, but she is my girlfriend I wish to get that validation that i am good enough for her as a future partner. She acknowledges my efforts but she doesnt wish to believe until she feels/sees the actions as she cant be hurt again by me.
I know all the solutions to not overthink, look for improving yourself by not repeating the same mistakes. But i am struggling mentally by the fact i am not good enough for her and it is crushing me that i am not the person that she would want as a future partner yet. I struggle with mental health for 4,5 years too, almost attempted too, I feel that adds to my insecurity, overthinking and being unable to get better with all the things i wish to change for us.
My mistakes are more towards on how i am as a person emotionally and how i have been leading my life which isnt a husband material like for her and i agree it isnt good enough for me too and i need to change? Any help to ease these feelings while not feeling crippled away and letting it constantly affect her emotionally and us as a relationship.
It would be great help on any tips of easing my overthinking and a different perspective that i should be thinking!