I (29F) feel like my marriage is one-sided. My husband (early 30s) swings between being caring and completely immature. He’s “jokingly said he hasn’t “developed beyond age 13” and avoids serious conversations, often turning them into jokes. He seems to want separate rooms, not for sleep or privacy, but so he can “avoid issues” and do as he pleases without accountability.
He compares me to his mother, which makes interactions uncomfortable, and seems to project unresolved family dynamics onto me — normal concern feels like control to him. He makes jokes about my weight or sensitive topics and then claims he’s “just joking.” He tells me he enjoys my cooking but often refuses to eat it, even though others enjoy it, which feels like subtle defiance. He avoids clarity, refuses to consider ADHD or anything that might explain his patterns, and uses ambiguity to escape responsibility.
I feel disrespected, disconnected, and emotionally drained.
TL;DR: My husband avoids accountability, takes pride in immaturity, and refuses to engage in a real partnership. Can this realistically change, or am I wasting my energy?