Myself '27F' and boyfriend '33M' have been together almost 5 years.

Don't get me wrong life in general is good, but today was the first day since I can remember we spent almost fully apart and I realised how boring and empty life is without him.

It feels so lonely and cold. I don't even want to do anything because everything feels boring without him.

I know this sounds crazy, wildly obsessive even, but our relationship is typically very healthy we just thoroughly enjoy each other's company. We're each other's best friend.

How do you handle finding enjoyment without your other half?


44 comments

  2. Hate to tell you this but if your mental state is this dependent on one person your life is not good. Your life is in a dire situation.

    It’s incredibly important to have things going on in your life that are not dependent on your partner. Hobbies, friends, etc.

    You should be happy to spend a day with other people, and you should be capable of happily spending a day alone.

    I’d recommend that you start deliberately spending time apart even when you *could* be together. You need to find out what else makes you happy. You need to practise so that when there’s some time that you *must* be apart, it doesn’t feel like an emergency.

  3. You need to get some extra hobbies and interests. Go alone and enjoy meeting other people.

  4. It’s good to invest in your relationship but moderation is key; don’t invest *everything*. You don’t have your own interests, friends, passions? 

  6. What you’re describing isn’t healthy.

    It’s healthy to have your own friends, hobbies, and interests in addition to those you share with a partner.

    I’d take this as a wake up call that you need to invest some time and energy in having a life outside of your BF.

  9. I too am in this position, 27 F.  Especially since I have no female friends. You have to try to find who you are as a person, learn yourself , sometimes go and do stuff on your on. Learn what you like . We are each others best friends and deeply enjoy each others company. But he has friends and life out side of our relationship. Learn to enjoy your own company sometimes.

  10. I mean, do you have friends? Family? Hobbies?

    Your life can not just be one person. I’m sure you work, but outside of that, you need other things besides him. It’s not healthy to just have one person or one thing.

  11. My friend, this is something you need to work through. My husband and I are very happy but my Lord I do love my alone time. I would start investing in yourself since your relationship is good.

  12. You need friends. Hobbies, passions, interests of your own. Your own life, not just existing as a appendage to your BF’s. 

    This isn’t healthy, OP. And it’s way too much pressure for any relationship to expect your partner to meet all of your emotional needs and provide all of your entertainment.

  13. Oh boy, you are having a concerning mental health issue. If you have to rely on another person to keep your world from being lonely and cold that is not good. It is time to talk to a mental health professional. You need a different perspective.

  14. Yikes. Do you not have any friends? You are way way too dependent on your boyfriend. This is not at all healthy.

  15. Maybe try a spa day? I agree with the others here, co-dependency is not healthy. I would try finding a therapist or counsellor about this. There are also many good self help books on co-dependency as well as online support groups and forums. Probably even here on Reddit !
    If you need to find friends you could try a local meetup group based on one of your interests. Good luck !

  16. Gently, OP, please consider therapy. It isn’t healthy to feel hollow and “hate life” after having one day away from your partner.

  17. You can learn to be alone without breaking up with your partner. I think you should find some hobbies or social groups away from your partner. Right now youre codependent and that’s something you have to fix

  18. I’m not trying to be mean, but this is a YOU problem. You can’t expect someone to make their entire life about you, and you shouldn’t make your entire life about them.

    The key to a healthy relationship is spending time together when you can, and finding something you enjoy doing by yourself or with your friends when you can’t. It could be as simple as reading or as complex as going to a museum.

  19. It takes time. When my husband left I felt so lonely whenever our kids were with him. Now, a few years on, I’m single and I can’t imagine having the time to have a relationship. Concentrate on finding hobbies and building up a friend group around you, and be kind to yourself. Nothing happens overnight.

  21. This doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship at all. You should both have your own friends and interests and be capable of being happy doing things without the other. 5 years never spent a day apart?! This sounds very odd to me as well.

  22. Very healthy? I think that you have realized it’s not. Great wake up call. Join anything you are interested in with the intention of finding friends. Volunteer. It puts life into perspective and helps you as much as it helps others. Do these things especially if you don’t want to. Another person cannot be your everything. It’s not sustainable long term.

  25. Get some hobbies. I don’t think you should see your life as boring without your partner. Remember that you are both your own person and that’s okay. Spending time apart is also healthy.

  26. Definitely at least find a cool hobby. Personally, I think people over use co-dependency. In my family, we have different strengths and challenges. We need each other and call ourselves “interdependent “ with pride. I don’t think you have to wonder if you are on the autistic spectrum, just because of being so attached to one person. No shame in that. Those of us on the spectrum tend to feel bigger emotions. Regardless, it is really important you have something you can do to be proud of, whether or not you are together. Before I came so disabled, I loved upcycling furniture to keep it out of landfill. Now, I am lucky if I can upcycle an item of clothing. I have a plan for something I want to do that is ambitious but, I think, doable over time. Seriously though, you want to have something to be proud of.

    Another thing you can do that might be a healthier way to be “interdependent” is cooking and baking. That way, you have something to do your partner may enjoy coming home to. I can’t cook much anymore but just bought a bunch of cookbooks online ($12 per 4 books, no shipping charge) in very good condition, with lots of inspiring photos. Even just looking at them is something I can enjoy.

    Good luck.

  28. This is scary. You don’t want to be codependent on your partner. You need to be your own person, have your own life and your own hobbies. Intermeshing those with somebody else. But still maintaining your own identity is what the goal is, becoming one mesh of a person who can survive without the other is an issue

  29. You need your own life, interests, friends outside of a relationship. This is not healthy,

  30. People are being harsh here. While I think that ultimately you would profit from having some activities that engage you enough not to be consumed by his absence, you’re also not crazy for feeling this way. I really recommend this video here!

    [Dr. Ana Yudin “lies you’ve been told about attachment”](https://youtu.be/GAPWezffmLw?si=u__-uVZ38vc0Vdre)

    It really gave me some reassurance, that these feelings aren’t wrong per se.

  32. And here I am having the biggest sigh of relief when my mom calls me to hang out (she lives many many cities away and that was intentional when I moved since she was abusive to me in the past but we are on good terms now) since my bf can be a bit much on me mentally and physically so having a day away to relax with my mom actually sounds nice when most of my days are spent cleaning/cooking at home and also doing my best to keep him happy since we don’t have any friends in our city. Even so it’s hard to find things to do with someone who you’ve known for 3 years and have no common interests :/

  33. Curious how your daily life goes? Like and my wlmy spouse lol we definitely love each other haha but we also love our own personal time away from each other too 😆 

    Momma always had some witty quote Bout “too much of a good thing….something..” i forget lol

    And kinda makes sense, I’ve known a couple people that were inseparable and lasted maybe 5-8 years….when the river ran dry per se…

  34. Sounds unhealthy AF not gonna lie.

    I’m a full person with a full life and ,a partner is the same and only adds to my life، they don’t replace it, or “complete” it.

  36. I think people are exaggerating a little bit, though I understand where they are coming from, as some people are too clingy and dependant.

    However me and my husband have the best time together, and I experience the same thing that when I eat a meal without him, I wish he could taste it too. And I miss him when I go on business trip and sleep alone in the hotel room. I just sleep better with him next to me. It seems normal to me, I just love him very much! I am sure you do too.

    I am always happy to come home after work, I believe this should be normal. It doesn’t mean I am a socially incapable without him and I can’t enjoy things. I just prefer life with him.

    I feel that’s what you meant, and I think it’s lovely!

  37. I have friends and a dog. I also have hobbies and family.

    How do you think your partner feels when he leaves you, knowing you have nothing? It can be overwhelming for you both. Particularly, when he begins to pull away and you hold on tighter…dependency will be the end of your relationship eventually. Maybe take this time to join some clubs that interest you. Your people will be at those clubs. Spread your wings a little.

  38. I get that feeling. Wife and kids went away to visit her grandmother for a long weekend over the summer and I was so excited to have 4 days of just me, the dog and just quiet. It became depressive by the next evening.

  40. The only time my wife isn’t yelling or verbally abusing me is when she’s asleep or I’m in the bathroom, so I have the opposite problem to you!

  41. This makes me sad. After five years you should be secure enough to do your own thing when he’s not with you.

  43. I guess I know it is unhealthy but it was a wake up call for me hence the post. I can do things independently and do, I saw friends and my mum, granted not any hobbies during the time between socialising and cleaning the house but it’s more that it’s all not the same without him.

    More of a ‘ain’t no sunshine’ situation

    But thanks all for the brutally honest and semi relatable replies. I might consider therapy anyway to see what it offers

  44. Is it still codependency if I can do things without them and set standards and boundaries but it’s just not the same without them?

    I do find al sense of purpose in my life without them and deep down know i obviously could survive if I had to but while they’re around, why wouldn’t I want life to be better with them? Isn’t that love?

    Torn and going through the motions I guess. But life is just so much better with them

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