My partner and I (male) have been together for 13 years. We have a very healthy relationship, and sex life relationship. We have been healing and growing through our traumas together the whole time.
But one thing that seems to be sticking real hard is me having PTSD style triggers over the "from behind" sex position. (I can't even call it "d*ggy style").
Even THINKING about this position makes me panic. And even though I know this is COMPLICATED irrational and incorrect, it feels like I am either rping my partner (like a monster), or she is rping me (like, exploiting me).
This results in me losing my erection immediately, or cumming immediately, or getting so tired, and my muscles get weak and ache.
Our theory is that my unique kind of trauma means I need deep connection. This is especially difficult at times considering my coping mechanism has been to disconnect in my life. But our sex when we are facing each other is generally always incredible, because our faces are touching, we can see each other, we can kiss.
My partner and I talk about this all the time. But I'm curious on other people's experiences.
Has anyone ever experienced this? Any insights?
5 comments
How do you feel about “from behind” but laying down like “big-spoon-little-spoon.”
Does that still make you panic?
Have you tried a mirror in front of you both so you can see each other’s faces?
“Our theory is that my unique kind of trauma means I need deep connection.”
“…when we are facing each other is generally always incredible, because our faces are touching, we can see each other, we can kiss.”
A lot of (women) don’t care for *doggystyle* because it feels *too raw*, physical, or *animalistic* to them.
Even the position being called “doggystyle” *replaces the concept of romance* with *unbridled eroticism*.
Some women are overly concerned with what the man might be thinking or fantasizing about.
They want to be able to *look into their lover’s eyes* and feel an emotional connection.
Essentially, they don’t want to feel as if *their body is just being used to provide pleasure* without feeling loved.
“…it feels like I am either r*ping my partner (like a monster), or she is r*ping me (like, exploiting me).”
Maybe you feel “doggystyle” is somehow *being disrespectful* or reduces her and you to being sex objects.
(Some people feel the same way when it comes to giving or receiving oral sex.)
Nevertheless, this isn’t actually PSTD or trauma unless you have had a bad experience in the past.
Overthinking and being mentally distracted oftentimes contributes to not enjoying sex on the highest level.
The best sex often occurs when a person can *relax*, close their eyes, and just *get lost in the pleasure* their body is giving and receiving. Being self-conscious, overthinking, and concerned what others are thinking hinders you.
Most couple eventually get bored with having sex in the same position and desire to “spice things up”.
It’s okay to have erotic adventures and explore a variety of sexual positions within a loving relationship.
Pleasing and giving one another orgasms isn’t taking advantage of each other.
Ha! I actually get those little PTSD panic attacks that you just described but in missionary. From behind is usually fine for me though. Isn’t PTSD strange like that! (In all seriousness, I’m truly sorry you’re having this experience.)
Personally there are a few things that have helped me reduce the frequency of this. First is real deep trauma processing which is so much easier said than done. I’ve done lots of therapy, lots of EMDR, and I personally find weed to be incredibly helpful in getting to the core of some of my traumas and untangling them. Another thing that has helped is learning to detect those very early subtle signs that I’m getting uncomfortable so I could communicate with my partner before I spiraled. And then we’d slow down or stop altogether and both remind me that I’m safe.
I hope this gets better for you.
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Post title: Advice for getting Triggered/panic attacks from “from behind” sex position?
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My partner and I (male) have been together for 13 years. We have a very healthy relationship, and sex life relationship. We have been healing and growing through our traumas together the whole time.
But one thing that seems to be sticking real hard is me having PTSD style triggers over the “from behind” sex position. (I can’t even call it “d*ggy style”).
Even THINKING about this position makes me panic. And even though I know this is COMPLICATED irrational and incorrect, it feels like I am either r*ping my partner (like a monster), or she is r*ping me (like, exploiting me).
This results in me losing my erection immediately, or cumming immediately, or getting so tired, and my muscles get weak and ache.
Our theory is that my unique kind of trauma means I need deep connection. This is especially difficult at times considering my coping mechanism has been to disconnect in my life. But our sex when we are facing each other is generally always incredible, because our faces are touching, we can see each other, we can kiss.
My partner and I talk about this all the time. But I’m curious on other people’s experiences.
Has anyone ever experienced this? Any insights?
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