My (35M) gf (33F) and I have been officially dating since Oct last year, started talking in Feb last year. We both like to take things slow, we both had a long time of being single prior to this relationship and we just kind of fell into it even though neither were looking for anything. Overall things have been pretty great, we go on trips, do outdoor activities together a lot, and always enjoy each other’s company. She’s a traveling nurse and we spent about 8 months since we started talking in Feb long distance, which we handled wonderfully. She has a great heart and is just as adventurous as I am, and I could truly see myself spending the rest of my life with her, and vice versa since we’ve already discussed marriage in the future when we’re ready.
Jan is the start of a new contract and the plan was for me to start traveling with her, so we would be moving in together which is a very big step. Currently we live an hour apart and see each other quite often, regularly spending a week or more together at a time. Here’s where it starts getting interesting.
I was working full time on site and that needed to change if I’m going to travel with her. So I spoke to my manager and dropped my hours to the bare minimum and took a fully remote full time position. It had a base salary plus commission, but the base salary is barely enough to cover my bills, and the “warm leads” that I was promised just weren’t there. I was cold calling and spinning my wheels. She makes very nice money and so she’s offered to cover me if I tell her I can’t go bc I can’t afford to during this period, but there’s also a lot that I tell her to keep track of so I can pay her back when I’m able to.
I quit there and went to work with a friend at his startup, and he indicated the money would start rolling in fast. Well it hasn’t. So now I’m looking at other options again.
Ok, to the point.
I’ve never had a reason not to trust her, but I was on her computer and got curious and I’m ashamed to say I started reading some texts. I was curious to see what she had to say about me to her friends so I searched for my name…
She has talked – not a little bit of shit, quite a bit of shit about my financial situation with half a dozen of her friends saying I need to get my shit together. Granted, I DO, but I gave up my comfortable job to make traveling with her work, and I’m still trying to figure that out.
The only positive things I saw was her talking about how good I treat her, and how I treat her like a queen and no man has ever been good to her before. Nothing like omg I’m so in love, none of that kind of mushy shit.
She still texts a couple of her ex lovers, which I did know she still had a couple on socials, but I do too and it wasn’t a big deal for me. I didn’t know she was actively texting any of them, which granted, at least over text this has mostly stopped except a happy bday or something random… but idk about snap or insta bc they’re on there too.
BUT, some notable mentions:
Shes laughed a couple times when one would talk shit about me.
She sent a kiss emoji and he said he wanted a real one and she said sorry no can do and he said oh you have a bf but then she said lmao we aren’t bf/gf (Aug, so we were not official)
Him (h): At the end of the day this still yours some lol
unless you get married or
Her (s): Emphasized "At the end of the day this still yours
unless y…"
Love to hear it!
Lmfao we so fucking toxic!
H: I bet you do like that
We are. I miss you
S: I do but I don't! Lol
H: Emphasized "I do but I don't! Lol "
You can be toxic and in love though. Toxic just sounds bad though
S: Don't miss the sad toxic shit but I do miss you in general
H: I know
Life is definitely a beach
S: Shit happens
H: Yep, it's all good now dc4L lol
(sep, still not officially dating yet)
Tells their mutual friend she was pissed bc other dude was ignoring her and didn’t meet up with her when she was in town (sep)
He says he needs her and still loves her and she says she still loves him too but you know we can’t do this (early oct, still not officially dating yet)
He texts a pic of some liquor and she says I’m at the bar I was at when you first said you loved me – some back and forth – she says goodnight, then says “I’d do some other shit but I can’t do that now I’m in a whole ass relationship” (November, we’ve already made it official)
He says I’m not deleting shit, she says that’s fine I haven’t deleted anything either (nov – idc really, there’s still some titty pics in my archives, but openly discussing it with an ex while in this relationship 🫤)
Sends her a very sexual song, next day she listens and responds it’s good but annoying you sent it, he said damn can’t send you music anymore and she said don’t play dumb you know why you sent it (nov)
She messages him saying I like how you still haven’t said shit about my dad passing, really feeling the love
Feb the convo picks up mid conversation so I think some things were deleted and she said you a damn lie! You did it! And I freaked out and stopped you! He’s confused and she said don’t play me and he said I almost said something but I’m gonna be faithful (he’s in a relationship at this point – Feb)
Same convo she tells him I promise I haven’t been missing you (that’s good I guess)
THEN, just a few weeks ago we were visiting her hometown, one of her old lovers is a DJ and she’s always let me know when he was gonna be DJing when I wasn’t there, so I figured all good, nothing to it, and there probably isn’t.. but apparently a song came on that he put on for her, not like requested, and she’s giggling. I asked her what a couple times and she’d say nothing and keep giggling with her gf that is in the loop on ALL the tea, then they both start cracking up, I’m guessing at my confusion. I didn’t really think anything of it but they were texting about it just a couple days ago
Also about a week ago she went out for her friend’s bday and I wasn’t with her. She goes out somewhat often and always says she just talks with her gfs. She texted her friend and said this dude needs to be talking to you, not me. Her friend said ya but he’s in front of you. She said he’s not even THAT attractive, but being mad at (me) helps.
I know this was soooo much, and if you’re still here then ty. I’m just really at a loss on if I should stay or not. To add some context, my love language is physical touch and I barely get anything from her. Her kisses might as well be from my grandma unless we’re having sex in which case she’ll actually kiss me intimately. I try to make her as happy as possible and do things I know make her happy, but she’s straight up told me that my financial situation has made me less physically attractive to her. She buys me clothes and stuff even though I tell her she shouldn’t,
and pays for going out to dinner a lot, but I don’t want to be in a loveless marriage for the rest of my life which at this point doesn’t seem far fetched.
I stayed single for so long and I think I found the one I can truly be happy with. I don’t want to always be second guessing if she’s still talking to other dudes though. I was burned by other females in the past and didn’t think it would happen with this one.
Do you think this shit will die down with time? She did used to go out a LOT more, but she toned it down a lot once we were official.
TIA for any advice here… and I know I’m shitty for going through her messages, and I don’t even plan to confront her on it, but I wanted to see what’s been going on to see if I’m good to just go full swing into this relationship with the moving in together.
Ps it was too long to thoroughly proof, so apologies for any grammar issues.