I feel as if my relationship with my fiancé and father of my child has been very transactional. It was not like this until after pregnancy/during pregnancy. I was not treated well during my pregnancy and recently has been a true revelation on how I don’t feel like I love this man anymore. To much has change about him, his morals, his beliefs and his behavior for me to go through with marrying him. I’ve only been in one serious relationship though.. this one and it’s been 3 years. 2 together before pregnancy, 9 months pregnant + 6 month of baby being alive. I think PP made me realize there’s no saving the relationship and if I want my child to see an example love between two partners, I cannot continue being with his dad. EVERYTHING is transactional. I am a stay at home mom, every single time I want to get something nice for my son or I, I have to ask. What do I get back? “Will you bounce on it?”. Yes this man has me agree to sex ANY TIME I want something. It was not as bad in the past, it was mostly a joke but these past 3 ish months it’s been ANYTHING I ask for. I feel as if I’m pimping myself out for anything nice that I want when you should want to surprise your fiancé with romance, flowers, things she likes, appreciate her for raising your child, constantly cleaning your house, cleaning up after you (which is very triggering bc he’s a grown adult), making you dinner every night, etc. every time I make him a home cooked from scratch meal (literally almost every night unless he offers to buy out bc he wants it) I don’t ask “if I make you dinner are you going to buy me x” or “if I make you dinner are you going to let me bounce on it”. Our libidos are drastically different especially now as parents. His life never changed but my whole body and mind did. I honestly cannot tell if I have a low libido or if I just don’t want to have sex with HIM.
Before I get the leave him comments, trust me I am. I just need 6-12 months to figure out lawyers for custody, gathering evidence of financial abuse, money to live somewhere else, people to help me move & a job to start making my own money so I don’t have to put out every single time I want something.
But before I ever get into a relationship again or even consider it, I want to know is this normal?? Is this something I should expect out of any partner going forward? Women and moms, does your husband act like you are his personal h double o ker?? Because if this is “love” and what relationships are about, I’d rather be a single mom my whole life
This transactional thing has been the cherry on top of the Sunday for the things he’s done but I just really want to know if other men expect this stuff. I just want someone who wants to be romantic and loving and if I want flowers I don’t have “bounce on it” for $10 flowers….