This has been weighing on my mind for months.
He doesn’t want to divorce at all. He always tells me I need to stay committed and respect the vows I made instead of trying to preach the benefits of separation to him. I’m trying to make the right decision so I won’t regret it later. We’ve been married for four years, have two toddlers, I have a 13 year old from a previous relationship who no longer lives with me full-time and we unfortunately own a home and other assets but I’m not happy. We don’t do anything together. No date nights, no fun, no affection. All we do is work, pay bills, and take care of the kids.
I’ve expressed this to him, and to be fair, we do talk and he does make some effort but no matter how many conversations we have, some things just don’t change. I’m drained. I live in a state with no family nearby except my disabled mom. Before meeting him, I used to travel a little (nothing major, but at least to nearby states), have hobbies, and enjoy exploring new things. After I got pregnant with his son, it feels like I lost everything I once enjoyed.
I hate my life, while my husband seems content with his. He wants to stay married and apparently enjoys it but for me, it’s not the same. I feel like I gain nothing from this relationship. He thinks because we own a house, have kids and we’re married, we won the lottery like ooh, big deal. Having kids isn’t a special accomplishment. As I said, we don’t do anything. He’s boring and thinks being boring is fun. I’m 31, he’s 34. He considers us “old,” but I still consider myself young. I want to explore life, not just be stuck as a parent and a wife.
I love my children unconditionally, and I know they love me too. Being a mother is deeply meaningful to me, but it’s not all there is to who I am. I still have dreams, interests, and a need for joy and connection outside of motherhood. My husband, on the other hand, believes life is good the way it is. He’s content with our routine, but I’m not. We do nothing together. No fun, no excitement, no shared experiences. Our lives revolve entirely around work and taking care of the kids, and while that matters, it feels like we’ve lost ourselves as individuals and maybe as a couple too and he seems to thinks that’s ok.