hi everyone,
i’ve been with my boyfriend (both 19) for almost two years. he’s really extroverted and a social butterfly, while i’m much more introverted and making friends doesn’t come easily to me. he has a close group of friends he’s known longer than he’s known me.
at the beginning of our relationship, i never had an issue with him hanging out with his friends because he would always update me and seemed to think about me often. kind of that “puppy love” stage. but now that we go to different colleges and both have jobs, things feel different. we don’t hang out as much, and lately i’ve been feeling like he’s slowly distancing himself.
it often feels like he only talks to me when it’s convenient. for example, i’ll see that he gets home from work through his location, but he won’t text me until hours later when he’s about to go to sleep. then we talk for maybe ten minutes before he says his eyes are heavy and goes to bed. it just feels like i’ve become his last priority.
whenever i bring this up, he apologizes and says he’ll do better, and for about a week he does. but then he goes back to the same habits, and i end up feeling upset again. it’s like we’re stuck in this cycle where i keep asking for consistency, and he keeps saying sorry without real change.
i’ve asked him to update me a bit while he’s out with friends. not constant texting, just a quick check-in, but i never know how to bring it up without sounding clingy or like i’m trying to control him. i genuinely want to respect his independence and his time with friends, because i know that’s important. but i also want to feel wanted. i’m not expecting him to talk to me 24/7, but i find it hard to believe that going an entire day without texting or checking in shows that he really cares.
i understand we’re still young and these beginning years are important to grow and figure ourselves out, but i don’t know. i just want more from him. more effort, more consistency, more reassurance, but it doesn’t feel like he’s willing to give that or at least trying to meet in the middle. i love him, and he says he loves me too, but his actions don’t always show it. and i’m starting to wonder if he’s with me because he genuinely wants to be with me, or if he just likes the idea of having a girlfriend.
how do i bring this up to him again in a way that doesn’t sound controlling but still gets across that i need more from him?