My fiancé (29M) and I (26F) have been together for about a year and a half, and it’s been long-distance the entire time. It’s both our first serious relationship. He’s genuinely a kind, respectful, patient, and loving person. I’ve never doubted his physical loyalty. He has our photos framed all over his apartment, talks about our future all the time, and treats me with real care.
But we’ve had recurring issues with his social media behavior, and it still bothers me deeply.
-Early in the relationship, I found out he was following instagram models (suggestive content) and lots of random women. I knew he was also liking stories and pics of female friends (not close friends, normal content like food travel etc.) I felt sick to my stomach because I am a very discreet person who does not seek nor accept male validation on social media. When I brought it up, he was embarrassed, apologized, and unfollowed everyone.
-Later, I noticed he still followed a few women who weren’t close friends and had liked some of their photos. Some quite revealing. Again, I explained why it felt disrespectful, and he removed them.
After that, he took a break from social media for a while, and everything was peaceful.
-Recently, he reopened his account and followed a woman he had met online years ago but never in person. She had even once messaged him saying, “You don’t have to reply if your girlfriend would be uncomfortable,” which shows she knew boundaries. Yet he still followed her again out of nowhere, on his account where he was following only 40 people. Family and close friends that was it. He said she appeared in his suggested list, followed her without thinking, and apologized when I asked about it.
I know it might sound small, but it reopened every old wound. I’m very intentional about who I allow access to me online and never seek attention from strangers. It feels unfair that I’ve had to constantly explain what respect looks like.
He really is a good man and has taken real risks for our relationship (spending all his annual leave to visit me, standing against his parents, etc.), but I can’t seem to move past this.
Am I exaggerating, or is the fact that I can’t let it go a sign that I should walk away before marriage?