TLDR: I (35M) and friend (34M) have known each other 15 years. We were pretty close but last few years we've drifted on & off. When I asked him for a catch-up call he then told me he was getting married & 'invited' me to his wedding whilst giving me a bunch of outs (read below) – and I don't think he wanted me there. I declined & will probably leave the friendship there, it felt weird. How would you deal with this situation?
So the longer story is me & 'Dave' were mates at university, we lived together in 2013 & I organized his first stag / bachelor. I helped him through some very tough times as he & wife then divorced, maybe 2017 ish. Geographically we didn't live close after university but mutual friends & I had WhatsApp groups & made a point to meet up / go on a weekend break together, probably once a year. (For lads this is meaningful lol.)
I stopped talking to one of the mutual group ('Tim'), because Tim & his partner in 2022/2023 were giving me grief over something serious. (Basically I cut contact w/my family because they were being atrocious humans, leaving me with PTSD unfortunately. My familial break wasn't OK with Tim + partner & they pushed it to a point of nastiness, despite me telling them of the significant consequences for my life.) So I stopped hanging/talking with the group.
Separately Dave & I spoke a few times, with me organizing probably 70% of this. The only times Dave reached out he would also slyly ask for info about the me-Tim conflict. I didn't want to share because I knew Dave-Tim were still close, & then Dave stopped asking to catch up with me.
I heard nothing for 18 months, & I reached out to him for functional reasons & said "hey man, I'm looking to do some labouring [he used to be in this work], are you around to give me some insight – would be a nice excuse to catch up too!" He said yes sure etc. During the phone call, when I asked how his GF was he told me he was getting married & I was invited to the wedding. He also said he knew "it might be awkward [with Tim there] & the last few years have been tough on you so if you don't want to, no pressure." I said I'd like to come, which he was surprised by, but said I'd think & confirm. He said "LMK within a month." Sure.
My calculation for ultimately declining was: the poor & gossipy contact in 2022-2023 which I hadn't appreciated; no commitment to me during a rough time despite me having offered a lot to him either RE fam or Tim; I didn't get an actual postal invite to the wedding (which I know is how he would have invited everyone else)… then when I texted him to decline he became more chatty than he'd been for ages.
For me that was all a red flag & because of it I now CBA with the friendship, but maybe I've read this wrong… my health issues make me read stuff defensively these days. What would you have done?