I feel so lonely. I keep cutting people out of my life because it hurts less than being with them. I used to have two childhood friends, but eventually I realized how condescending and bullying they were towards me.
But it doesn’t stop with friends… I feel like this with everyone — parents, siblings, my husband’s friends. Of course, not everyone is a literal bully; sometimes it’s just the fact that I can’t help but notice they have no real interest in me as a person. It feels as though they want me there just to listen and make a big deal out of their lives. And now, at 27, I realize I’ve been doing that forever — always being polite, showing interest, asking questions, being curious.
I hate feeling this way: angry, sad, resentful. I told my therapist that I must be the problem if I feel like this around everyone — there’s no other way; at some point, you’re the common element. She insisted I’m not the problem, but that I probably socialize (consciously or not) with the same type of people. Still, I think there’s something wrong with me. I feel like I’m too much for others, like I reek of desperation for someone to care, so nobody does.
The one exception is my husband. Ever since I met him, he’s been my best friend. He’s always there for me, and I’m always there for him. But that can’t be it — I feel so lonely outside of this one relationship. I don’t think I can socialize like a normal person. I care too much when people don’t listen, so I stop seeing them.
What is wrong with me? Would it be okay to never have friends? That doesn’t sound right… People need other people, right? How can I let things go and care less? Please, I need real advice.