I'm a 14 year old that goes to a school specifically for ballet students so the male to female ratio is very much in favor of females. Pretty much all of my friends are girls and I'm okay with that. Today my one friend and I were talking about how dating is kind of stupid for us because we are all way to busy and young for a actual relationship so we wouldn't date. She said something concerning though, she said "you know, even though I wouldn't date, you are the only man in my life I truly trust" I asked what about her dad, and she just said he is a dick and that's it. I don't know if im looking too much into or something but I'm worried about her. I don't know much about her home life she doesn't talk about it much but if she legitimately means she doesn't even trust her own dad? What can I do? How can I help her?
TL;DR my(14M) friend(14F) told me I'm the only man in her life she trust and it worries me.
15 comments
I think just being there for her as a friend is all you can do.
It’s nice that you care but just because she doesn’t have a good relationship with her dad doesn’t mean she needs your help with anything. Just continue being a good friend.
Dads can be dicks especially when you’re a 14 year old girl.
Not much you can do but continue to be a good friend to her.
She’s lucky to have such an empathetic friend
This sounds like an absolutely standard way for a fourteen year old to talk about their parent. It doesn’t mean anything if wrong with her home life or that she needs help.
You don’t need to do anything except keep being a good and dependable friend so if she ever *does* need help she’ll be comfortable letting you know.
You don’t have to save her, just be there if she needs a friend.
Hey, I bet you have pretty nice parents. One thing I learned in my life as I aged is the people that come from good homes with normal and loving families have a hard time understanding that bad parents can exist. The idea that a parent can be thoughtless, cruel, hurt their kids, sabotage their success and talents – this is unbelievable to them. And these are adults, you are still a teen.
Dick parent can mean many things and vary greatly. If he is doing anything illegal like physically abusing her or sexually abusing her, go to a teacher. But if he’s just a piece of shit, all you can do is be her friend. Listen, only if she wants to talk.
Sounds pretty normal for a 14 yo, I think you’re reading too much into it. And yes at 14 it’s way too early to be dating anyone.
You don’t have to do anything. Being a man she trusts is already doing so much. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing, don’t be weird now that she’s said that and risk no longer being a man she trusts.
A lot of men make bad shit worse by trying to be a hero. Just be her friend.
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I just asked my teen daughter if her Dad is a dick lol… her reply “sometimes”. You’re fine bud, carry on, sometimes it’s just the angsty age and the interpersonal dynamic in their home.
Yes, there may be worse things, but until she trusts you enough to confide those things to you, she was probably more likely deflecting the “not dating” convo with her desire you may be the one she’d choose to date if/when had you not preemptively shut that convo down. (Though your age/rationale for not dating yet is a healthy approach imo)
If she were to confide anything serious/illegal, talk to your parents and/or a mandatory reporter on the way to best assist any delicate situation should it ever arise.
Cross those bridges when you get there and here’s to hoping you never have to and it was just her way of saying you’re a good guy she trusts to have her back and confidence.
You sound like a person who cares about those around you, which is a really important characteristic to have.
Something that’s really hard for a lot of people to realize is that we can’t solve other people’s problems. What you can do is listen, and if you hear something that you’re not sure about, see if she’ll tell you more about it (don’t push, but if you ask something like “Can you give me an example?” you may be able to get a sense of whether it’s just irritation or something more).
If it is something more, the best thing you can do is be her friend and help her find a trustworthy adult who will be able to help her find resources. Being a person she can trust does not mean that you are responsible for her actions or safety. It means you are someone she can count on to believe her and not judge her.
Sounds like you’re a good friend. Just continue to do that, but don’t feel like you are morally obligated to do everything yourself since you are young. It’s okay to seek help when you feel it’s necessary
As a dad to a now 16 year old girl I can tell you that she definitely thinks I’m a dick – and it started probably about when she was 13/14 – we were very very close before that.
As far as I know, I’m not especially – mostly based on the fact that my older kids also thought I was a dick and now they don’t (in so much as I understand anything about “the kids today”)
Actually now you mention it …when I was 14 my dad was a dick too!
None of this is to discount your post – just context – but carry on being an available friend and she may open up more if she needs to.
As a teenager, you’re going to meet other teenagers who have been consistently disappointed by the adults in their lives.
One of the best things you can do for them is introduce them to adults you trust. Because you can help a child by being a stable example of an adult in their life, even if you can’t fix or get them out of the situation they’re in.
Calm down, she just trusts you as a friend, don’t read too much into it, at your age’s that would be ridiculous.