Not sure entirely how to word it but from 14-28 I wasn't really myself. A product of my enviroment.
I fit in for over a decade.
I just kind of mourn who I was in my late teenage years, I didn't really experience it from a honest authentic place and did what I really wanted to do. I just followed the crowd. Despite having my own desires I just didn't cause it meant going off alone.
(Edit: To add a positive to it, now in our thirties once understanding this we can at least turn it around for all of life ahead)
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It’s a common feeling. You don’t really know who you are until you get into your 30s (if you’re lucky)
Yes, like 99% of men feel this way.
nah, i had fun learning about myself because I venture into my own interest
When people say they want to relive their 20s it’s to fix mistakes. People that want to relive their 30s do so because those were the best years of their lives.
No. I think I was lucky to be surrounded by friends that liked me for who I was, accepted my flaws, called me out on my bullshit and we grew into semi-functional adults together.
I was authentic to myself and that was the problem. Authentically safe and boring.
Now. This is when life happens. Yesterday was now, and it brought you here. Now is now, and not the now that started this post.
Where are you? Here.
When are you? Now.
Stop dreaming.
Now.
There’s a reason you can’t rent a car till your 25
I think most dudes did that.
Wait until you hit your 40s and start that retrospection.
Yeah, but following the crowd is a developmental phase. You had to learn some important things before you could get to the next level, and there aren’t any shortcuts.
I think a lot of people in their 20s are still figuring out who they actually are. So there’s that, but yeah, beyond that there were a handful of years where I was under the influence of a not so great crowd of people and their belief system that I shared for a bit, and I do regret that time. And I do feel like it “wasn’t me”, as compared to before, and after, in which I do align with myself entirely.
But as they say, you live and you learn. Also worth noting that many of us are not “living our true selves” in post-pandemic circumstances. Everything is off right now.
When I was a teenager I thought I would be racing on Formula One by my late 20s but look at me. I never asked my parents hard enough to sponsor my motorsports career so I had to just fit in on a desk job.
Welcome to ageing lol. You’re always going to feel like you’ve wasted time in some way. All you can do is try to drink the marrow of the rest of your life that’s ahead of you.
Nope
Uh no
That happened in my late teens. A simple example was I loved pokemon growing up, but I thought it was too childish and didn’t play the games or talk about it with people. Then in my early to mid 20s I stopped caring, and discovered lots of people I talked to were excited to talk about Pokemon. So I felt much more comfortable talking about shit I’m interested in vs caring about what random people thought. Having a fun talk about something you’re interested is so much better than boring drabble.
Lots of my 20s though were a cookie cutter mold of life though, finish school, get a job, work through the career ladder, get married. I don’t think any of that was wasted time, it gave me valuable experience, a loving wife, and some savings, but I do want to try and do some more interesting things in my 30s.
My 20’s were stolen from me.
Hah, I have the opposite problem: I have pretty much always followed the beat of my own drum but it means that I really have trouble relating to “everyday” people, and I feel like I don’t fit in outside of pretty specific environments. Grass is always greener I guess
My twenties were difficult, school and work were slow to develop, but there were some amazing times too. Looking back though, they are all just memories that led me to this moment. What happens now and in the future is much more important to me. You’d think that as you age, your future would become less important and memories more important, but I haven’t felt that, instead knowing that my life is likely more than half over, has me thinking about how NOW is the time to have what I want….which happens to be sleep, but tomorrow is going to kick ass.
I would say I became more myself closer to 24-25, but yes.
I have always been authentically myself. Sure, my younger self was naive and made mistakes, but I regret nothing.
I started being authentic earlier, and it wasn’t free either. Going off alone often means losing friends, losing opportunities, miscommunications as a product of trying to be authentic at a time when you were very much still developing who you are, and a lot of anxiety. It’s very much a «is the grass really greener at the other side of the fence?» type of situation.
Growth is never a waste of time.
Realizing you weren’t being authentic then is the first step to being authentic now. It means you’re learning, growing, and tuning into what makes you, you.
But, to do that fully, you do sort of have to grieve all the time you weren’t, or often couldn’t, be this version of you that you’ve found today.
Personally, I’m finding and tuning into my own sexuality at 33 after being sexually assaulted at 14. Yeah, my attempts at intimacy were “fine” but I often avoided it or would get triggered randomly and not know what was happening. Now I know why, and I’m healing from it. But it sucks, all that lost time, shame, and pain I went through in my teens and 20s while I watched my friends engage with ease by comparison.
Knowing why, though – noticing that loss from the present, and grieving it – that means I can heal. It means I get to move on, make something mine – and that’s the real gift here.
You’re feeling this too. Treasure that perspective you have and do something about it, you’ve got the rest of your life to live it out.
yes it was a waste of time. i should have trusted myself more, even not trusing my parents.
Honestly, I think most of us waste our 20s trying to be who we think we’re supposed to be. The real plot twist is realizing your 30s are when you finally stop auditioning for other people’s approval and start living your own script. Better late than never.
Fuck no. It’s the opposite. I was my truest self in my twenties, I could have just been a bit more of a nice person and done more of the other stuff I wanted but suffered financial abuse and relationship issues which fucked me up. I had so many plans for the money so had. Since Covid, I’ve just had to survive, and haven’t been authentically living how I want for my entire thirties, it’s just been trial after trial.
Nah man, in my 20s I had some great times with friends, joined the military, lived it up. Lived in 3 states, visited 10, had tons of sex and almost died drinking a few times. Went and built up a life of trauma seeing horrible things in another country. My 20s made me who I am today, just like my 30s will make me into the man I am in my 40s.
Was it all good? Nope. Was it all bad? Nope.
Relish what you had. It was the past. Live for now. Too many people live their lives thinking about what they lost/missed out on in the past or what they’ll never (or likely never) see in the future, and they miss out on living the part that matters. Now. Live your life with purpose, remember the past and appreciate it, and live in the present.
It takes some people longer than others to figure out who they are. Don’t mourn time lost. Don’t compare yourself to others. Enjoy that self discovery and make the most of it now.
I’m late 40s and only just now feeling truly in my own self. Can’t say as I ever followed the crowd though, I was always notorious for doing my thing my way (neurodivergence for the win), and I can’t regret my 20s at all else I’d not be who I am now and with the person I am with now.
All of that nonsense is part of my story and part of me, so I an owning it all. And that is a powerful thing, at least it is for me.
**Pre-20**, you’re more-or-less a product of your parents’ controlled environment. I very rarely judge someone based on how they acted in their teens, and I know *many* people who are completely the opposite of their upbringing, myself included.
**20s**, you’re allowed to finally become your own, independent person and explore new environments, new settings, new perspectives, new values.
**30s**, if you haven’t yet settled into something, somewhere, someone, you’ve at least whittled down the range of possibilities. You’ve established a history doing [whatever you did in your 20s]. You can start a new path, but it will be heavily influenced by your past, especially if your past includes having kids. You won’t be a fresh, clean slate 20-something. But hopefully you’ll have a good grasp on yourself and are more focused in your pursuit.
Opposite.
In my 20s I formed a band with my best friends and hit the road.
We spent the decade playing gigs, traveling the continent, partying, rocking out, partying some more, planning, traveling, rocking out some more, repeat.
It was definitely the highlight of my life. We met and befriended many of our heroes, played on stage with some of them a few times, got up and rocked out in front of thousands many times.
Even got stopped in public for a while! People would walk up to me in bathrooms or on the street and tell me to keep it up. Felt like my destiny was coming true.
But then a bunch of tragic shit went down and it all ended in a flash. Now I’m back home right where I started, with nothing but photos and foggy memories. Only now I’m 37.
I have no savings, I have no degree. I have no career, I have no friends. I have no spouse, I have no kids. I rent a room in my older brother’s house. I practice music and frankly I am better now than ever before, but don’t even know where to begin getting back into it.
I was in ONE band for so long with my closest buddies. Now I’m 2k miles away and back on the first page.