I (23F, autistic) haven't been on a date for the purpose of a long-term relationship in 3 years. I was a late bloomer and didn't have any sort of romantic interactions until college, which made me very insecure about not having had my first kiss/lost my virginity yet when the majority of those around me had. I downloaded Tinder in my sophmore year and went on my first date ever. On my second date with the same guy, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted even though looking back I had zero attraction to him whatsoever. I tried to convince myself that I was attracted to him, to the point of gaslighting myself, thinking that I was just uncomfortable because it was new to me. I ended it after 2 months and I still feel terrible about it all. I had sex for the first time with him and it was physically pleasureable but not mentally, it felt like I was performing/masking the whole time because I really didn't know him all that well.
A few months after, I had a sort of situationship start with a friend I had known for years and that was the first time I've ever actually felt like I wanted to sleep with someone, though I got my heart broken before that even happened haha. Then I tried having a FWB with someone I met on Tinder and I was physically attracted to him but not in any other way, we only ever met up for sex and afterwards I would always feel so empty, like I wasn't even a person. In all honesty I only did it so that I could feel more normal because that's what all my friends were doing and I was embarrassed by being the only one who couldn't contribute to conversations about dating/romance.
I'm hoping that all of this means I'l enjoy sex more if I know the person well, but I don't know how to navigate that in the current dating landscape. Most of what I hear from my friends is that they hookup with a partner on the first or second date (nothing wrong with that, it just doesn't work for me). Is there some sort of unspoken rule about this that I should know about? I feel like I'd want to have a conversation about certain anxieties that I have around sex to make myself feel more comfortable, but is that bad to do when you're first getting to know someone? When would be a good time to bring that up? How long would most guys be willing to wait?
I'm really tired of being controlled by my fear of dating. Thank you to anyone willing to help.