I (28M) is slowly losing my girlfriend/baby mother(26F) and I don't know what to do anymore. We separated early this year and have been trying to work things out for the past 4 months(both live in different homes now). Everything was seeming to go fine until a couple days ago when she told me I'm focusing too much on her and need to work on my "demons" and my "overreactions" to situations. We both have a lot past childhood trauma and we both trigger each other very easy but always used to talk it out and come out stronger. To me It feels like she constantly makes excuses on why she's upset with me or I'm not doing enough or being "myself" , anything to justify me being the reason for her distance towards me. She is very hot and cold and doesn't want to get back together fully yet(which is understandable) but I feel like I'm being dragged along and all I want is my family back in the same room together at night. I'm miserable and I cry every night I don't have my her or our daughter with me. I love both of them with everything in me and I feel like she just wants to live her life without me now. We both agreed we want all of us back together and it will take time but I don't feel like it's heading that way at all. It's fueling the worst parts of my anxiety and I know it reflecting in my actions but I've explained this to her and she doesn't seem to even care or understand in some way. She also has high anxiety from certain situations so I know she's not completely blind to it. It's hard to give her space because we have a child together which we thankfully have amazing communication when it comes to that but I'm at a loss and I don't know how I should go forward. More distance? More communication? She's very sensitive and is super hard to reach because of her job, very avoidant personality.
TL;DR: Girlfriend/baby mother saying I'm focusing to much on her and says I need to work on myself more and be less reactive to situations she puts me in. she's always hot and cold with me , a couple days are great and then we disconnect easily from separation of living in different homes now. I don't want to lose my family and I want our child to have something we never had(a complete family that knows how to love and fight for each other). I'm scared and I need advice.