My (28F) boyfriend (30M) won’t stop eating my edibles

38 comments

1. Time to insist he starts paying for edibles if he wants to eat them.

   This seems like a weird dominance game around food and “I want whatever I see you having”.

2. “bf, my weed edibles are expensive and I bought them for my insomnia- if you want gummy candy, let’s buy some at the store. If you want to actually do edibles, then you are free to buy some for yourself, but mine are off limits.” If he wants to call you selfish for not sharing something that you bought specifically to deal with a health issue after he claimed to not want any… then he can feel free to do so.

3. It seems like he is taking your things just to try to tell you that he is in charge, and he can do whatever he wants. I don’t think there is anything wrong with your communication- he knows what he is doing, and he rather enjoys upsetting you in this way.

4. Edibles are fucking expensive. I take one every night to help me sleep. They are medicine to me. If someone grabbed my bag and ate all 10 THAT I PAID $30 FOR AND ARE SUPPOSED TO LAST ME A WHOLE 10 DAYS, I would be absolutely outraged. My budget! What about my budget?!

   Peanut butter cup, meh. I would just give him a bite and get another one out of the bag for myself rather than arguing about it for 10 minutes.

   That aside, when you say no, ( in the PB cup example) it’s basic respect – like, he should be able to take no for an answer. That would be very irritating.

   Also like the peanut butter cup example, maybe just set the man you have aside and grab another one from the bag. There are plenty.

5. This is some kind of weird control thing or test and there are no magic words to make him be normal.

6. No, you can’t let this go. You are using edibles medicinally, so you should be able to rely on them being there when you need them.

   There’s a kind of guy out there who shows his power over his S.O. by taking things away from them. Often favorite snacks. They don’t want them because they want them, they want them because it shows they are entitled to take things away from you and you can’t stop him. This is a rush for his ego. Any time he’s feeling low, he can perk himself up by showing his power over you. And that kind of cope can get very addictive. You have to nip that behavior in the bud and make him know that it’s absolutely unacceptable for him to steal your stuff. Just because it’s yours and you are his girlfriend doesn’t mean your stuff is his.

7. If he wants to eat edibles, he can buy his own. You pay good money for those so you can sleep. Even if he was feeling an effect from them, eating your stash all the time when you have an actual reason you need them is dickish.

   Now, I can kind of understand if he likes the way they taste… I know you don’t like them, but as someone who managed a few dispensaries in my past, I can assure you there is a wide spectrum of tastes for medicated candy. I myself personally love the flavor of a lot of edible products on the market and know that I am not going to get that same flavor from regular gummy candy.

   That’s still no excuse for him to be eating all your edibles though. If he wants them, he can buy his own. (Also, tell him to try nano-enhanced gummies if they are available where you are — for many people, like myself, who can’t process traditionally made edibles, they will actually work. It essentially allows it to pass the blood-brain barrier sublingually, instead of entering the stomach and being processed out through the liver).

8. Maybe just buy gummy candy and tell him that his eating your edibles has become too expensive. Lock up your edibles.

9. This is fucked and you’ve already gotten great advice from other people, but i gotta know if they’re Doozies? Those damn gummies taste so good/have the best texture of any gummy candy I’ve ever had and it makes me actually sad that they aren’t regular candy I can eat a bunch of. If i had your boyfriend’s superpower of not metabolizing consumed THC I would totally spend $20 on a bag of them just to eat 😭

   but forreal though in this scenario I would keep stock of them myself and if my husband needed them medicinally to sleep then I would always make sure there were enough for him to sleep every night.

10. This is a pathetic control issue. He is seeing how far he can manipulate you, it will escalate to other things.

11. Time to start charging him for them.

12. Ask yourself, can I say “no” to him? Sometimes it’s more about getting you to do something you don’t want to do than about the food. I had a roommate that would always push my boundaries until I blew up at them. I realized, it’s not about the bacon/Roomba/whatever, it’s about breaking the boundary I’ve set. 

    Read over the red flag/green flags section for *Why Does He Do That?* You can get the PDF free.

13. This is a red flag for control issues. He’s testing you. It starts off small so it seems reasonable to you. First it’s a bite of your candy, then it’s you doing other things you’re not comfortable with. Your relationship is so new and you barely know this man.

    The issues have nothing to do with you! You can’t use your love and generosity to make him respect you, it doesn’t work that way. You’re already a patient person, right? You’re already a good communicator, right? Don’t let him turn you into a pretzel for his benefit.

14. >For instance, yesterday I was eating a peanut butter cup. He asked if he could have a bite, and I told him no, but you can have your own because there’s a whole bag. He got upset and started arguing with me that it was stupid to take out a whole peanut butter cup when all he wanted was a bite.

    So boyfriend’s problem isn’t with the THC gummies themselves, but some sort of strange jealousy issue. He doesn’t want something – he wants to *take something from you.*

    This might be a good excuse to see a couple’s therapist, or maybe just seek counseling on your own. Generally an issue like this isn’t the *only issue*, there might be other things that are disrespectful or abusive, and you don’t realize it.

15. It’s boundary pushing, as someone else said. My ex was incapable of respecting all boundaries, big or small, and it definitely started out exactly the same way. Our entire relationship involved her wanting to eat anything I was eating, throwing a strop if I wouldn’t let her, and even going as far as to beg me to sniff the food if she isn’t allowed to eat it (which then I looked crazy for saying no to, but like why do you wanna sniff my cookies other than to push my “no”??)

    Does he push or argue or make you feel bad about any other boundaries, needs, general respect stuff?

16. You’ve already gotten plenty of comments telling you that his continuous eating of your edibles like they are regular gummies you buy from the grocery store is inappropriate so no need for me to add more to that.

    But just generally him needing to eat what you are eating and refusing to just get some for himself is truly weird and anyone would get annoyed by him doing this all the time. I’m sure if it was a random ask from him to take a bite out of the specific peanut butter cup you were eating, you may have been okay with it but the fact that he’s so insistent and does this regularly is off putting af.

    Sounds like a toddler that only wants to eat off mommy’s plate and if he sees mommy eating something, then he also wants it even if it’s a food item he normally wouldn’t even want. Except this dude is a grown 30 yr old.

    Also, peanut butter cups aren’t even that big? Like I’m imagining a Reese’s and those things are like two bites. Maybe three. I don’t think I would even consider asking someone for “a bite” of one. Feels a bit insane.

17. This is boundary erosion.

18. He needs to either pay for the edibles, or keep his hands off them.

    We are well beyond “I want a gummy”. He wants them because they are the gummies. He just said he didn’t eat them before because he probably felt he needed to justify why he smoked instead of ate gummies.

    Well now he is doing both.

    So I’d tell him to get his own gummies, or start paying.

    But OP, you are trying to improve a relationship with someone that doesn’t respect you. This isn’t a ‘you’ issue, and this won’t get better until HE grows up.

19. He’s disrespecting your boundries on purpose.

20. If he literally got you to engage in a 10 minute argument over giving him A BITE of your peanut butter cup instead of just getting his own… there’s something very, very wrong w/your boyfriend. If he refuses to stop eating your EXPENSIVE edibles even after telling you they don’t do anything for him, and c’mon – edible gummies are NOT delicious – he’s a selfish a-hole who thinks he can take WHATEVER he wants from you.

    The answer to this is not for you to “learn to let this stupid shit go and improve your relationship”. YOU are not the one with the problem. You truly need to rethink this relationship.

21. Now that he’s “got you” (because you live together) he feels free to start his shit. Buy a calendar. X off every day.

    Him: ?
    You: Just counting down until the lease expires.

22. This is like a Mom, and a toddler argument. Is it just me. It’s weird, right?

23. Buy a bag of gummy bears, multiple flavors and tell him “these are your Gummies. Mine are for sleep, so please leave them alone.”

    If he says he wants yours, tell him “but you say they have no effect on you. It’s a waste of money for you to eat my Gummies. So if you want to waste money, go buy your own. “

24. you need to have a talk about him respecting your boundaries in general, and if you receive resistance to that, then you have a problem.

25. Anything he wants, he can pay for his own.

26. This is entitlement. He feels he *deserves* what you have, and he gets upset when you refuse.

    The way to break this is to remove any possibility. Lock up your food. Tell him directly to his face that you are doing this because he couldn’t listen to you. Tell him to his face that you deserve better, and he needs to learn real fast or he’s going to be single.

    Realistically, the chances of him actually changing are slim. But by nailing down the line, you force him to see that you WILL NOT accept this encroachment, and if he wants to be with you he has to accept that.

27. That just sounds fucking annoying tbh

28. It sounds like the real problem is he refuses to hear you saying “no”

29. He’s using you. He disregards your concerns and agency.

    Blech.

    You sound like a lovely, generous, considerate person to partner with, and it’s *still* not enough for him.

    He likes to disrupt your experience, he enjoys taking what’s yours.

    He gets a kick out of dispossessing you of your special thing, even though he (says he) doesn’t receive any fulfillment from it.

    I’m on the Build Each Other Up and Make Each Other Better Team. Not super catchy, but it’s how we roll. We look for ways to increase each other’s joy, on each other’s individual terms, not our own.

    You deserve a lot better from your partner. The fact that he’s pushing back, and not stopping, is really ugly and selfish of him. I hope you don’t put up with it for much longer.

30. It kind of seems to me like he’s eating your things because he doesn’t want you to have them. He wanted your peanut butter cup because then you would get less and maybe not go through the trouble to get another one. He wanted your gummy edibles because he knows you like them and would not have them to eat yourself if he eats them first. I’m getting subtle controlling vibes.

31. He doesn’t need to literally take food away from you. That’s a control move.

32. As others said weird and controlling.

    My boyfriend has one hell of a sweet tooth. I barely eat sweets. But I like having a few things around for when I do. I had some mini Twix. They disappeared. I said something like “hey, you ate all my Twix”. He apologized and said he’d get me more. I said it wasn’t a big deal, just leave me one or two so I can have them when I want them and get more if they’re low. The next day he comes home with a bag of mini Twix and tells me to hide them. Not like OMG hide them, just we don’t go through each others drawers or anything so he wasn’t likely to stumble upon them and if he did looking for a paper clip or something he’d know to resist the urge.

    Being edibles takes it up a level cause they’re obviously more expensive.

33. Tell him to give you $$. Buy him regular gummy candies with his money and you keep your own gummies hidden… in a place he cannot find.

    If he has a problem with that, reconsider the relationship…

34. Is there a kink for eating someone else’s food? Is that a thing?

    This is so weird that he’s so insistent on eating food you don’t want him to eat.

    You’re absolutely reasonable and have very logical points (including you just don’t want to) for not sharing your food. Keep standing your ground and pointing out how stupid his excuses are.

    Personally if my bf used such idiotic reasons with me to try and get me to give in to something I wouldn’t stand for it and I will argue as long as it takes bc I know I’m right lol.

    But yes eventually that would be so mentally exhausting I’d get the ick and break up with someone like that anyway if they don’t stop being stupid.

35. I’m not possessive about my food and don’t mind sharing, but my partner is the opposite. That means we don’t share food, and I’m ok with that. Early on they asked if they could have my left over whatever and I said yeah, you don’t need to ask, my leftovers are always up for grabs. They replied saying they prefer to ask because they don’t feel the same way about their own leftovers and would prefer I don’t touch them without seeing if it’s ok first. So, because I love and respect them, we ask each other if we want something the other has.

    What I don’t do is whine/complain/guilt/shame them for not wanting to share if they say no. Why? Because I respect them and their autonomy. Basic respect for your partner is the absolute bare minimum in a relationship, and now you know your partner doesn’t think you should be allowed to have your own stuff. That’s not an ok way to act, and I hope you take it to heart. Love is respect.

36. bestie he is gaslighting you and steamrolling your boundaries this is NOT GOOD

37. I have a small safe with my meds and gummies also have a lock safe bag I use for traveling. Really cut down on the sig other helping themself to my stuff!

38. why are you looking for communication solutions for a problem that you’ve already communicated about? like you’re basically asking us “how do i say this thing that i’ve already said”

    like most people on reddit, you have a “not knowing how to identify the problem” problem